POD-dy Mouth

The end isn't near; it's here.

2007-03-13T07:58:00.000-04:00

Well, today marks an unusual moment at POD-dy Mouth; this will be my last post.

After more than two years of vetting and posting, I am done.

So, why I am ending it?

There are approximately 34 reasons that I thought of. Though I'll discuss the primary ones here.

To begin with, this blog became something completely other than what I had originally intended. If you look at my original posts (and the survey I conducted ages ago), the majority of visitors were readers. It was supposed to open the eyes of the reading community to untouched, unfound, and unknown books. It didn't take long (say 7 - 8 months) for it to become a literary hideout. And I gotta tell you, the weakest group of individuals to target for reading is writers. They're (we're) already broke, and having (yet another) incestuous place to read about books is as useful as . . . whatever, it's not useful.

Along with this, it is clear to see that POD (with a few exceptions) is a useful tool to gain some ground in the book world (hopefully to build an audience to more than your immediate family)--but only so that you can ultimately get an agent and publisher to produce/release your book (and others) in the traditional way. No one knows this more than I, for that was the sole purpose of the Needle Awards. However, it is simply not a compelling reason to stay up late every night.

But mostly, I am simply burned out. I mean, have you ever looked at my stats? C'mon, 1,600 books in a year? And some literary agencies don't get 5,000 queries in a year. It's too much work for one person. Frankly, it's just too much work, period. It has been a super experiment, and perhaps the greatest result of it is the list of 65 books on the right-hand side that might never have seen the light of day.

The last two years have been incredibly fun--and incredibly exhausting. Not just from this blog, but in general: I released two books, went on two (small) book tours, wrote two more books, lost two loved family members, suffered a miscarriage, switched day jobs, moved to a new home, and somehow managed to get the flu--twice. I had actually considered at one point (and had mentioned on this blog) that I was going to kick things up a bit. This wasn't what I meant. I just finally realized I need to make a change--and this is the thing that has to go.

The folks I have met through here (agents, editors, publishing pros, writers) have been the absolute best, and I certainly do not regret any of the time and effort I have spent here. But . . . I'm afraid the time has come for POD-Dy Mouth Industrial Clothing and Fine Baked Goods to close its doors. For good.

So, please know I appreciate your emails and well-wishing, but I will probably not be responding. I get over 500 emails a day already and I simply cannot go through them to find the ones worth responding to. I am certainly leaving at the peak of the blog's attention, on pace to hit 2,000,000 hits this year. Seems like a strange time to bag it, though I do hope everyone understands.

I will do this, though: As I come across top books that really move me (POD or commercial or otherwise) I'd be happy to send out an email on a completely irregular schedule giving you a heads-up. (Again, no submissions.) If you want, send me an email with "Put me on the list" in the subject line and nothing else, that way I can sort my inbox and find everyone at once.

But no matter what, please keep writing--and keep trying to get published. This is a marathon effort and nothing happens overnight. If you get rejected, don't take it personally. And if you get published, don't take that personally either. This is a business first and foremost, though it is filled with some of the greatest people, folks who are both business savvy and art influenced. It's a great mix, actually.

And, like all stories, there should be an acknowledgments section, so here is mine. Believe me when I say these folks are the absolute tops:

Allen, Michael
Baratz-Logsted, Lauren
Beier, Elizabeth
Bent, Jenny
Bestler, Emily
Bohner, Anne
Clarke, Will
Collins, Natalie R.
Crider, Michael R.
Dawson, Liza
DeFiore, Brian
Dickerman, Colin
Driscoll, Susan
Dunton, David
Durand, Sarah
Eth, Felicia
Fletcher, Christy
Gerald, Marc
Glick, Mollie
Greenberg, Dan
Harty, Pamela
Karchmar, Dorian
Kim, Sally
Kleinman, Jeff
Lazar, Dan
Lee, Kate
Lyons, Jonathan
Manges, Kirsten
McGrath, Sarah
Mecoy, Bob
Miller, Scott
Munson, Natasha
Murray, Amanda
Nelson, Kristin
Notaro, Laurie
Rose, MJ
Snark, (Miss)
Somberg, Andrea
Unter, Jennifer
Veltre, Joe
Weimann, Frank
Williams, John
Wofford-Girand, Sally

I'm overlooking many a person--including all of the authors of the books I reviewed--cool folks, one and all. Also including some of the agents and editors who received the Needle Award results that are not coming to mind because, you know . . . it's fried.

So, again . . . please enjoy the books I've unearthed--and remember to give self-published books a try. You just never know.

The 2006 Needle Award Winner!

2007-03-07T08:00:00.000-05:00

And the winner of the 2006 Needle Award is . . .

RANSOM SEABORN. Congratulations to Bill Deasy!

Here are some comments from the judges . . .

"What an unexpected literary treasure. It’s not just hype; Jay Gatsby and Holden Caulfield have nothing on Dan Finbar."

"Deasy has penned a fantastic debut novel. [New York Publishers] need more books like this and less of everything else. This is [the kind of book] that comes to mind when someone says American Literature.”

"Ransom Seaborn is beyond memorable—it’s haunting. I was still thinking about it days later and poised to open it and start again. It’s simply beautiful."

Congratulations, as well, to the other 2006 nominees:

FUTUREPROOF by N. Frank Daniels

A MULTITUDE OF MERCIES by Fay Freimuth

MY OTHER BODY: A MEMOIR OF LOVE, FAT, LIFE, AND DEATH by Ann Pai

THE GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH by Daniel Scott Buck

And thanks to all the people who made this project possible, from writing the books to judging them to the agents and editors reviewing the results. It's been another super (and exhausting) year.

Walking in my (worn out) shoes: the 2006 stats!

2007-03-02T07:27:00.000-05:00

Another year, another long journey to the Needles. Like last year, I kept a running list of statistics from the beginning of the 2006 literary year (March to March).

What does it take to find 15 excellent self-published titles?

The answer: More work than it took to find fifty.

The sob story:

Total number of queries received: 5,267
Total number of books considered: 1,666
Total number of books read to completion but did not get reviewed (the ones that came "this close"): 41

Total number of books submitted to me via email: 1,651

Total number of books not read past first page: 217
Total number of books not read past first paragraph: 23
Total number of books not read past first sentence: 8

Total number of books I read in one sitting, despite hunger, daybreak, and bathroom needs: 5

Total number of times I was harassed for not reviewing a submitted novel: 8
Most times a single author submitted a single book: 6

Total number of times an author asked me to purchase his or her book to garner a review: 6

Total number of POD books (that I had purchased) donated to local libraries: 14
Total number of POD books (that I had purchased) rejected from local libraries: 1

Total dollar amount spent on this venture: $0.00 (I do not count books purchased since I own them.)
Total dollar amount made on this venture: $0.00 (still)

Total number of emails received, since March 2005, (non-spam) to girlondemand@yahoo.com: 173,366
Total number of gigabytes worth of data I received, since March 2005, in PDF files: @ 8.15 GB

Total number of unique hits to this blog for March 2006 - March 2007: 1,235,222

Number of selected/reviewed books by publisher:
Lulu: 5
iUniverse: 5
Velluminous: 2
Authorhouse: 1
Toadspittle Hill Productions: 1
Sunspot Press: 1

Total number of commercially published authors who got in contact to applaud this effort: 26

Total number of commercially published authors who got in contact to ask me to review their novels: 12

Total number of agents who requested to see the Needle awards data: 28
Total number of editors who requested to see the Needle awards data: 19

Total number of agents and editors who asked if they could be judges next year: 7 (As one agent put it, "Of course--we all want to get first dibs on reading these books!)

Total number of offers to buy my book if I would just surrender my identity: I stopped counting once I hit 1,000.

Here's hoping you enjoyed this year as much as I did!

POD and [the problem with] grammar.

2007-02-28T08:27:00.000-05:00

A lot of folks who feel POD books are substandard (usually true) quickly tug on the weakest link of the nature of self-published material: grammar.

True, it can be the weakest link (and the quickest way to fall into the trash bin [electronic or otherwise]) but it is fair (and safe) to say that almost all books contain some mistakes.

I had this same discussion with a NY Times bestselling author last week. I told her that all of my picks this year are as close to perfect as anything being published by the majors.

You'd think I was inclined to controversy, wouldn't you.

She read one of my picks for 2006 and reluctantly agreed that it was a superior text, but still maintained that the books produced by such noble publishers [like Knopf and Vintage] will always be superior.

That is when I explained to her that, though I highly enjoyed A HEARTBREAKING WORK OF STAGGERING GENIOUS by Dave Eggers, a Vintage release in its paperback form as well as a Pulitzer Prize nominated memoir, was riddled (riddled, I say! [that means, like, a dozen errors]) with grammatical problems.

Now, before you blow a gasket, I understand that Dave Eggers was being creative with a lot of the grammar and word usage. I really do. But some errors were hard to overlook. And, frankly, it's not Dave's fault as much as it is the copyeditor's.

Anyway, my friend balked (of course). So I whipped it out and showed her example after example--even finding two errors within one page.

From the Vintage paperback:

Bottom of p.321: I'm certain it was supposed to read cardboard backing, not carboard backing.
Top of p. 322: "You like you're pleading for help."

Anyway, the actual errors are not the point. The point is: who cares? POD or not, a few glitches are no big deal. Ever read the goofs for movies listed on IMDB? Far worse than novels--and the budgets are 100 times higher.

So unless the book is so badly written that it's hard to read (I've tried to read at least a hundred in this category), just give it a try. It's probably worth it.

Probably.

_________________________

And here's an update on the Gather Writing contest. At 1,500 entries (and 200 a week coming in) it seems to have drawn all the folks who (wisely) passed on Sobol.

Like Sobol . . . except $99,000 short.

2007-02-22T07:40:00.000-05:00

Hey, looking to chuck $100 in the street? Wait! We've got something far better: The 2007 Hollywood Book Festival.

That's right for $75 (sound familiar?) you can enter a contest where the grand prize is . . . $1,000.

*yawn*

That's right, give them a hundred and you might (but probably won't) get $900 as a reward. If the entry fee is $75, why am I saying it will cost $100? Because you cannot submit your book electronically--meaning you need to print off a copy ($15 or more) and ship it out to Los Angeles ($10 or more).

It actually makes me long for the days of Sobol.

Oh, they also say the winner gets this: "We will also distribute your book to our Hollywood Book Festival mailing list of agents, producers, directors, content coordinators and developers for further consideration and provide marketing materials to winning authors and publishers to spotlight your triumph."

*double yawn*

Who are these industry people? How many have "assistant" in their titles? Has this award ever generated any noteworthy film or TV products? Or even a boost in book sales?

What is this (publishing) world coming to?

The best things in life are free. The worst things cost $75.

_____________________

On a certainly relative note, Henry Baum has a new and improved version of NORTH OF SUNSET out. You can get it here. Why is it relative? NORTH OF SUNSET was a previous grand prize winner of the above mentioned contest. Looks like someone got his $75-worth!

The price of getting read.

2007-02-21T10:04:00.000-05:00

Thanks to all for the kind words regarding my book signing. And no, I'm done giving away my books. Though I didn't come out terribly short because:

I drank approximately $13 in coffee and consumed a $2.50 brownie gratis;
The bookstore manager, paying it forward (at his personal cost, I'm guessing) allowed me to select a book in a genre I loved by an author I had never read (ELLA MINNOW PEA by Mark Dunn) for free.
It was a lot of fun--the kind of fun you can't get at a movie or a basketball game. So I consider what I spent the price of admission.

And for all who are not in the know, this is a neat way to get free books otherwise.

_________________

Also on the horizon is a new POD Reviewer--this one actually coming from the world of publishing ("currently the lead editor at a small publishing company in New York ") who can really offer some great insights. Well worth checking out if you are a PODer or someone who wants the lowdown on more books struggling in obscurity. Check out the first book reviewed (received only one star out of four) and see why there is no amount of Excedrin on the market to cure my headache.

If you thought paying to publish was bad . . .

2007-02-20T08:40:00.000-05:00

This past week I did the most unusual book signing. It wasn't supposed to be unusual, but it certainly turned out that way.

Last Wednesday (the wreckage of the ice storm that hit my area was at its peak) I was supposed to do a signing at a book store a few blocks from where I live. At first, it seemed pretty obvious the signing would be canceled, considering the power had been out most of the day. But when I got a call from the store manager asking if I wanted to reschedule, I thought . . . why? What else am I going to do tonight?

So I made my way to the store, drank lots of (free) coffee drinks, chatted up the store employees and basically made a general nuisance of myself. Torqued on caffeine, I made my way to the table where a few small stacks of my most recent hardcover novel (coming soon to a remainders table near you!) were posed hopefully toward the entrance of the store. I stared aimlessly out a distant window, watching the plows impotently remove ice from the parking lot. The store (a large one) had maybe 12 customers milling about.

Finally, an older gentleman came up to my table and stared at the cover of my book, picked it up and gave it the most cursory of interest. Finally, he shrugged and said, "These free?"

I stared at him, tapped my fingers, squinted. "Nothing in life is free, especially fine literature."

"This is fine literature?"

I sighed. "That's what my mom tells me." We stared at each other for a moment, and my mind began churning.

"I'll tell you what," I said, "I'll give you this book for free on one condition: you pay full price for a book in a genre you love by an author you've never read."

[Note: The store manager heard what I'd said and caught my eye, gave me a look asking me if I was serious. I told him I'd pay for my book with my credit card and that I and another staff member would assist the gentleman in finding a book he would enjoy. Everyone shrugged.]

"Okaaay," he said, still suspicious of my intentions.

"What do you like?"

"Mysteries. Some thrillers, I guess."

I took a copy of my novel to the counter, paid for it and put it aside with a stack of the gentleman's other purchases, then we (one of the sales reps and I) went to the mystery section and fought over which hand-sell to push on this guy. The winner: FORCING AMARYLLIS by Louise Ure.

Shortly after the man departed from the store, a young lady (about my age) came up to my table and asked if I was still doing the free book promotion.

Sigh.

I ended up pulling out my credit card seven times that day. What was I really buying? The chance, I guess, that a new type of reader would try my work--but even more so, opening the door of lesser-known writers to people who usually look no further than the bestsellers on the front tables. And I'll tell you, the booksellers said, hands-down, it was the most fun they ever had a book signing. [Note: the sales folks and I managed to really dust off some great books for these buyers--stuff they never would have found on their own, with one exception: the last lady, who clearly was paying attention enough to scam me, convinced us all she was really curious about that new Rachael Ray cookbook.]

I should also mention that I sold eight books on my own, by people who were specifically interested in my novel (including two, at whatever discount he gets, by the store manager.)

Will I be doing this again anytime soon? You've got be kidding. It was a difficult thing to explain to my husband when I got home. Though I wish, like those trite MasterCard ads, I could say the whole event was priceless, I can't.

It cost me $175.

A new year (finally).

2007-02-15T08:05:00.000-05:00

I have finally read everything though December 31st, 2006. I am actually starting to read submissions with a 2007 in the date.

However, I respectfully ask at this time that you do not submit anything new to me. So, no new submissions until I give you the word. If I receive any, they'll be promptly deleted along with the emails for increasing my staying power and African lotteries.

To all the folks who submitted their hard work last year (and prior, for that matter), I thank you. And if you were not selected for my increasingly discriminating list, I apologize. It is important to note that your book could be some stellar stuff, but just not something that made me shiver. I'm subjective.

In fact, here are the main reasons your novel was not reviewed and endorsed by me:

I never received it. It was funneled into my spam folder for whatever reason. It had happened several times previously, but if you think I'm going to go through the (daily) 700 spam emails I get searching for submissions, well . . . . That's fate.
I lost it. Happened also. I was reading a book I was fairly enjoying and my machine locked up, only to have it spontaneously vanish from my computer upon a reboot, email and all. That's fate, too.
I hated it.
It was good, but not that good.
It was experimental to the point where I wasn't sure what experiment you were actually conducting.
It contained the word Guadalcanal.
It was almost identical to a book I had already reviewed.
I fell asleep reading it. At 10:30 in the morning. After two Espresso con Pannas.
It was in a category that I do not read (translation: you didn't follow the rules, dude).
It. Was. Too. Frigging. Long.
You had a serious fear of verbs and an abundant love for adjectives and adverbs.
It left me thinking, huh?

This northeast ice and snow storm has some of the judges locked inside--and reading the Needle nominees already. What if they all finished the books ahead of schedule? How un-publishing-industry-like!

The 2006 Needle Award Nominees

2007-02-07T08:00:00.000-05:00

Welcome to the second annual Needle Awards!

I wish I could nominate all fifteen books for a Needle this year . . . but that wouldn't be much of a contest, now would it.

So what do we have here? The creamiest of cream. The tastiest of treats. Congratulations to all 2006 Needle Nominees.

And they are:

RANSOM SEABORN by Bill Deasy (Velluminous Press)

FUTUREPROOF by N. Frank Daniels (Lulu)

MY OTHER BODY: A MEMOIR OF LOVE, FAT, LIFE, AND DEATH by Ann Pai (Sunspot Press)

THE GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH by Daniel Scott Buck (iUniverse)

A MULTITUDE OF MERCIES by Fay Freimuth (iUniverse)

In a few days, the books will be in the hands of the judges. From that point forward, I have no say in who wins or loses. The judges are an esteemed group (seriously) of publishing professionals: three editors (from Harper, S&S, and Random) and four agents (all from top-tier agencies). These books were culled from more than 1,600 full-length submissions. And now these pros will decide which is the absolute best self-published book of my [hand-selected, incredibly subjective] group.

The winner will be announced 8:00 a.m. Wednesday, March 7th, 2007.

Needle-riffic!

2007-02-01T10:49:00.000-05:00

Speaking of morning-breath-like contests . . .

I've got a busy weekend ahead (sort of) as I will be reviewing (and rereading, in some cases) many of this year's picks to select the Needle nominees for 2006.

So what? Well, that means that on Wednesday morning at 8:00am (unless I take the day off and sleep in) I will post the 2006 Needle Nominees on this very blog.

Stop yawning.

As I mentioned before, the only selections I made this year were the outstanding books, which means that selecting the best of them will be difficult--and that some will have to be left out.

Stay tuned and get ready!

Contests. They're like morning breath.

2007-01-31T12:17:00.000-05:00

Here. Go win $10,000.

_________________

Over at the Gather/Simon & Schuster contest, it is like a recurring (bad) dream. Surfing over the entrants, I spotted over a dozen POD books that I passed on (and their ratings are relatively proportional to my opinion as best I can recall).

For all of you wondering what it is like to be in my shoes (8.5M) here is your chance. Some of the first chapters submitted are terrible (rated at 3 and under) and some are pretty good (rated, roughly, 6 and up) but most are simply average.

And just like American Idol, the best parts are the comments. Read what people are saying about the hard work of aspiring writers everywhere and see why it is important to get an objective party to read your work before you submit in anywhere--and to use your spell-checker.

One other note: Never underestimate the evil and self-serving nature of the human race. It appears there is a problem with authors (entrants) going in and "down-rating" the leading titles by giving them "1 star" reviews so that their own titles have a better chance. To those folks, I say, "May you be cursed to a lifetime of PublishAmerica contracts."

It's like American Idol, without the riches.

2007-01-29T07:45:00.000-05:00

So many folks are fascinated by/with American Idol, and a huge percentage by the failure of the talent-impaired contestants. I wish I could say the same for vetting POD books; the entertainment level [of the bad ones] is, indeed, quite low.

But what a lot of folks don't realize is--just like commercially publishes authors--there are some hacks who don't belong there and some unrecognized folks who will never get a break [read: break in]. Guy's like John Mayer, for example, would never make it through American Idol (especially without his guitar)--or more on spot, singers like Madonna--with how picky the panel is. But we all know John Mayer and Madonna. Just like we know John Grisham.

The whole industry (publishing, sure--but really I mean the entire entertainment industry) is unfair. Even this blog is unfair. If I passed on your book for a review, don't take it personally. (Unless it really sucked. Then, well . . . .) I'm no different than an agent or an editor or your everyday reader (which is, essentially, all I am anyway) who takes a look and it either grabs or it doesn't. Entertainment is subjective, weird, fickle, and--to the dismay of every movie studio, publishing house, and record company--completely unpredictable.

So if you are a talented writer (you know who you are . . . and aren't) keep writing, keep plugging, keep making it better.

And pray for serendipity.

THE DOORBELLS OF FLORENCE by Andrew Losowsky (Prandial/Lulu)

2007-01-25T07:23:00.000-05:00

Let it be said now: THE DOORBELLS OF FLORENCE by Andrew Losowsky could easily become one of the most popular cult books of the decade. And it’s a coffee table book (sort of) to boot. From the first image to the final words (and the cover of a doorbell which could easily be confused for the back of a bullet), you will love it all.

I am going to do something I never do: I'm going to post a piece of the pitch (equally as compelling as the book) that the author sent me to help you understand this project.

Here's a book that started with a camera. I was in Florence, Italy one day in 2003, when I noticed a particularly unusual doorbell. I took a photo. Then I saw another, completely different but equally outstanding.

The camera clicked on. Time passed.

And so I had a large collection of doorbells. About a year later, I started to write short stories about the people I thought were living behind each of the doors.

For this first time since March 2005 (when I started this blog for you newbies) I knew from the pitch that I wanted to read this right away.

So I did.

The book--images to prose--is absolutely outstanding. The stories are clever and each as unique as a fingerprint, from pages long to one sentence. And the images, well . . . who knew something as static and manmade could be so beautiful and thought-provoking? The book is cool, and stylish, and even a little trippy.

Here's a challenge for you. Got to Lulu (the only place the book is currently available) and view the first image and read the first story. My guess? You'll add this baby to the shopping cart and be on your way.

THE DOORBELLS OF FLORENCE is $27.99 (this is not simply POD price-gauging; keep in mind that the book is produced with full-color interior ink) and well-worth the price--not to mention that with purchasing from Lulu, the author gets a far more significant chunk of the profit. In fact, buy two for nearly the price of one copy of finding your inner-alpha-self.

Before you publish . . .

2007-01-24T10:48:00.000-05:00

. . . you need to get an objective audience to read your book. I cannot overemphasize this enough. If every POD author did this, it would reduce the number of terrible POD books and greatly improve the ones that are being self-published.

You'd think the most frustrating part of finding good books to review would be the suffering: the traversing of absolutely horrible writing. Not so. Those texts are easy to toss aside [delete]. The painful ones are the books that are almost there, the ones that not only would be great books, but would probably find their way to a commercial publisher.

So here's what I suggest you do: Join a writing group. Regardless of what you may think, your writing is not better than the other hacks there (I was part of one for years). And take a look at how many commercially published authors thank the folks in their writing groups in their acknowledgements sections. They work--if you can take criticism.

And if you can't? Man, you are in the wrong industry.

Your book, from the first time it is released (into the wild) is being critiqued. Agents, editors, book reviewers, amateur book reviews (read: Amazon), and so on.

There are a lot of things you can do to improve your novel or memoir (like hiring an outside editor) but nothing does the trick (and costs nothing) like a writing group. If you hire an editor, she may tell you to change the way a character speaks or to delete a scene or whatever. But with a writing group you get to listen to other people discuss your book, where one person may want to see a change but another may totally disagree.

Or the entire group may be telling you the same thing--in which case, that thing needs to be fixed.

Having a finished manuscript on your hard drive is not enough. I know it seems exciting to imagine it could be in the marketplace in a few months (supposedly) but if you take the time to get involved in a writing group, it can make the difference between an Authorhouse logo and a William Morrow logo on the spine.

Whopping

2007-01-23T15:15:00.000-05:00

From the PublishAmerica homepage:

The book Vortex of Revelation by A.B. Keller, which is stocked in a whopping 42 bookstores spanning 21 states . . .

At least they are not pretending they're Random House anymore. I suppose for PA, 42 bookstores (in 21 states *sigh*) is something worth noting.

_____________________

On a bigger (and better) note, former POD-dy pick, Ian Hocking (DEJA VU) has been picked up by the John Jarrold Literary Agency!

_____________________

And if you haven't been to Kristin Nelson's blog recently, check out her entry on how many publishing professionals it takes to [screw in a light bulb]. No wonder so many folks ending up going POD.

Thy name is vanity.

2007-01-23T09:40:00.000-05:00

Here is (yet) another article that makes all things POD gray with the smog of vanity. (My coffee machine's broken; give me a break.)

While, once again, the technology of print-on-demand is bulked in with sophomor(on)ic narratives, it is just not so. (See titles at right of this blog for proof.)

However . . .

This is an embarrassing mess. This is a perfect example (as if you needed one) for why paid reviews (even the "reputable" ones like Kirkus Discovery) simply do not work.

Read it all. It's hilarious/pathetic.

Get $100 (of your publishing costs back)

2007-01-18T13:18:00.000-05:00

Here is yet another POD review site--and it comes with a bonus: the blogger is giving away $100 for the best reviewed book (on his blog) with a copyright of 2006 or 2007. And, like me, he only reviews the books that are worthy (thus saving you the knowledge that, in fact, most POD books are terrible). The submission guidelines are here. There is no fee to enter.

And he accepts poetry and erotica (unlike me).

Who says you can't make a lot of money using POD?

2007-01-17T12:49:00.001-05:00

Holy mackerel/cannoli/guacamole.

There must be a serious need for men to become alpha males. [I've deleted my own commentary here.]

This paperback book, published via Lulu, is 272 pages and selling at a whopping $49.97. That's 18 cents per page (to be compared to a mass market paperback of 400 pages at $8.00--or 2 cents per page.)

This book must really resolve the [shortcomings] of a lot of men [deleted commentary] because the book is currently ranked 4,155 on Amazon (and this is not a fluke; this book has been consistently ranked under 10,000--at one point as low as 953.) I can see why it is selling so well, as it is dubbed "The lazy man's way to easy success with 20 or more women a month." Although, I'm confused, because all women already love lazy guys--right up there with abusers and infidels. Furthermore, the book is ranked 3 on Lulu (no small feat; have you ever seen how many books they sell?) and, astonishingly, sells for $48 there as well.

Based on Lulu's own Book Cost Calculator, the cost to produce the book is $9.98--which leaves $38 in profit (if purchased from Lulu--I realize the profit drops when purchased through Amazon and the like, not to mention that Lulu takes a small piece of the pie as well--something like 20% of the royalty.)

But let's play it conservatively and say the author gets $27 per unit. If he sells only 2,000 copies (he will, if he hasn't already), he's made $54,000--far more than the average midlist author published by a major house.

So there you go. All you need to do is find [deleted commentary] to buy your paperback book for $50.

And best of luck with that.

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If you're bored and looking for a way to abuse your company's computers and Internet connectivity, check out this post on Gawker about Publishers Lunch Deals. There is great potential in the "mad lib" they have posted, but so far no entries (in the comments) have beaten most of the real deals posted every day.

Priming the Needle.

2007-01-15T07:37:00.000-05:00

That makes no sense, but you probably got my point.

Yes, we here at POD-Dy Mouth Global Incineration and Fine Produce are looking at this year's potential Needle nominees. And it is going to be tough--even tougher than last year.

I was hoping to find 20 titles to review this year, but I am probably going to have to settle for 15 or 16. The biggest difference between 2005 and 2006 is that last year I reviewed self-published titles that were good, excellent, and outstanding. This year, I only reviewed the outstanding ones--which means it is going to be very difficult to leave some books out of the running.

Not to mention that I am not going to nominate 10 books like last year. It will likely be one category only (with more judges) and no more than five titles.

The other factor here (though playing no role in title selection) is that so many of this year's picks already have agents attached. Last year, all but one of the authors were unrepresented. This year, close to a third of the authors have acquired agents already.

In any case, I must reiterate how astounded I am that books as well-written and compelling as those I have reviewed are drifting out in the ether. What a shame. I hope above all things that you have checked out some of these books and realized that there are some talented authors buried in obscurity. And the point of the Needles is to change that for the better.

Stay tuned. Needle nominees should be announced at some point in February.

After the awards are handed out, get ready for some changes here at the Mouth. And I'm not just talking better cheese trays in the conference room.

Sobol bad; S&S Good! (Or, No Agent Necessary)

2007-01-11T11:27:00.000-05:00

Stop the POD presses!

Simon and Schuster has announced a new [real, respectable, noble] contest (right on the heels of the rightfully failed Sobol fiasco) where the Touchstone imprint will review unpublished works for publication (fiction only) via a new contest.

The winner will get:

A real publishing contract;
$5,000;
Guaranteed promotion for the title from Borders

In other words, the winner will get a lot more than most authors get for a debut novel, especially the attention at Borders (I am assuming "promotion" means it will be noticeable in some way.) Now, as for how they will vet all of these entries? Who cares, really. It's not the writer's problem. As far as I can tell, this is a free contest supported by a major publisher.

Saddened because you went POD and blew your chance? Worry not. The eligibility goes like this:

Authors who have not previously published a full length book (excluding self published and vanity press) are eligible to compete in the First Chapters Writing Competition.

Simon & Schuster is waiting with open arms! (And they better big the big, meaty kind; I get about 100 submissions a week--and I ain't no Simon and Schuster.)

Don't just take my word for it (though, come to think of it, why aren't you?)

2007-01-11T07:12:00.000-05:00

If you haven't read Daniel Scott Buck's THE GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH yet . . . well, then unplug your TV for a while, dude. Anyway, here is one more reason to trust that it is an awesome book: 3AM Magazine gave Daniel's book Novel of the Year 2006.
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Many of you asked about acquiring a cool cover for your novel after the Chris Meeks post. If you want to visit the site of the dude who created those covers (and many more), then check out his cover page.
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For a little inside scoop on one of the coolest literary agents out there, check out PubGuy's blog, where he has some Q&A with Jeff Kleinman (of Folio). Ever since I read THE MEMORY OF RUNNING, Jeff has been sort of a hero to me.

Also interesting is (at the bottom) the mention of the book sales of Christopher G. Moore (not to be confused with Christopher Moore, which apparently many readers were) and how they spiked when the books were paired up on the X/Y program at Amazon.

By the way, has anyone ever made money using the Buy X/Get Y program? $750 is pretty stiff. I'd love to hear a success story, if there is one.
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And, in reference to the library issues I blogged about a few posts ago, check out these responses on the Wall Street Journal site. I hope we never forget the value of the library system. Discarding/reducing it would be tantamount to shutting down the Department of the Interior.

From a frown to Crown: A POD success story.

2007-01-10T07:46:00.000-05:00

Thinking POD is a costly waste of time? Well, you got the costly part right. But the waste of time? Not always. More and more I am getting emails from folks who went the POD route, only to later have his or her book snatched up by a New York house. A few days ago, I received this email from Frank Fuller and he graciously allowed me share:

Since you blog about PODs, we thought you'd be interested in a POD success. We wrote our political satire The Department of Homeland Decency: Decency Rules and Regulations Manual in 2005 and were unable to sell it. So last February we published it ourselves here in Minnesota, using Bookmobile, a division of Prism Publishing in Minneapolis. We designed the book but had a designer from Prism do the cover.

In summer, an agent who had turned it down a year earlier, saw it, liked it, contacted us and said she thought she could sell it. Two weeks ago we signed a contract with Crown. Their paperback imprint Three Rivers Press will be publishing it.

My wife and I both have backgrounds in writing and satire, which may have made this project easier. I was a newspaper editor for years and my wife works in advertising and theater. We have both written weekly newspaper columns and written humor for radio.

POD publishing can work, as you point out regularly. People who think they have some talent and ideas, if they can't sell their book to a publisher, should give it a try and see what happens.

Crown/Three Rivers, for those of you not in the know, is part of the Random House empire--so they managed to go from the bottom to the top in one quick move. If you are curious about Frank and Sue Fuller's book, you can check it out here on Amazon and snag what will eventually be a rare copy.

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Also, check out the post from Josie Brown via MJ Rose's blog. (You should be reading this every Wednesday.) She offers up some statistics that shed light on why it is so hard being a midlist author--or any author, for that matter. Think getting published by a commercial publisher will get you in the "brick-and-mortar" stores? Guess again. In the majority of cases, according to Josie, you are lucky to get in to 19% of the stores. And with Amazon's online sales approaching 10% (just Amazon, mind you) the playing field is shifting. Or at least getting muddier.

Sobol Contest Dies (or, Here Is Your $85 Refund)

2007-01-09T07:16:00.000-05:00

Sweet justice prevails.

Mt favorite part: Only about 1,000 manuscripts were received. Word of mouth worked!

The AP has the bigger story.

You go on vacation and the whole world changes.

2007-01-04T22:33:00.000-05:00

If you happened to miss this great article in the LA Times, it is a must read. I love Amazon, but this is a bit weird (a.k.a. lame). Maybe this is why PublishAmerica titles are so incredibly high-priced.

I'm kidding. Don't email me.

From now on, I'm buying my stuff on the spot.

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And in my little part of the world (roughly-speaking), libraries are becoming nothing more than a Borders Express.

Maybe a better idea (just maybe) than tossing the books that no one has read is to pull them all aside, set them up at the front of the library on bright red shelves with a sign that reads, "Look what you've been missing."

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And on the flip-side (library-wise), take a gander at what the New York Public Library is doing. That's right, a POD machine on site (for all books). If this technology catches on, it could be the best possible thing for self-published authors ever (and the most confusing and overwhelming option for consumers).

Sometimes vanity rules . . .

2006-12-30T19:29:00.000-05:00

Check out this excellent article in the NY Times about self-pubbing.

BUCKY TOLD ME TO PUT A STICK IN THE DOOR . . . AND OTHER WHITE LIES TO LIVE BY by Carl Francis Cusato (iUniverse)

2006-12-27T17:53:00.000-05:00

On the lighter side of memoirs, this little treat really stuck out. To be honest, I was anticipating its dismissal, assuming it was really about some guy's family and would likely have no impact or interest on the reading public beyond the author's immediate family and friends.

It was exactly that which made the book so endearing.

Carl Cusato, now a successful consultant, tells the story of growing up in an Italian American family in the fifties and, through the years, overcoming life's little obstacles. Characters make appearances with (nick)names like Big Buck Tooth and Ignorant Louie, and you get a genuine flavor for what growing up Italian was in the fifties (and thereafter).

The most compelling parts of the novel are his youngest years, where he describes an upbringing (simple, joyful, funny) that not only has all but disappeared from the American landscape, but the folks who have the tales to tell are disappearing as well. This history is about to vanish forever. And even when the times were not that innocent, they practically defined innocence by today's standards.

This memoir probably really was designed to educate/impress/serve Cusato's family, but don't let that push this one aside. It turns out having a grounded family (unlike, say, Augusten Burroughs) is far more interesting than the dysfunctional ones.

The book is broken down into 40 easy to read chapters (including an epilogue which the author admits "everyone hates"-- including me) making it easy to read in snippets. Priced at $21.95 on Amazon (no doubt do to the inclusion of images) it's a great book for snowy days.

The genesis of a (fantastic) cover.

2006-12-20T08:10:00.000-05:00

Check out this magnificent article by Christopher Meeks, author of THE MIDDLE-AGED MAN AND THE SEA, about the evolution of the cover of his newest book/play.

Very cool info, and brings home the importance of a quality cover. Would you pick up (buy) the book with the Lulu cover? Would you pick up (buy) the book with the final cover?

Excellent stuff. And an excellent final cover, to boot! (In fact, I loved three or four of them.)

MY OTHER BODY: A MEMOIR OF LOVE, FAT, LIFE, AND DEATH by Ann Pai (Sunspot Press)

2006-12-18T07:59:00.000-05:00

I suppose, in light of all the bogus (or exaggerated) memoirs being churned out over the last few years, I was subconsciously hoping for a true, heartwarming memoir from a self-published author to blow me away.

This one blew my mind.

Ann Pai pens a masterful--dare I say masterpiece--story in her touching and soulful memoir, MY OTHER BODY. The story revolves around the author and her sister, Joyce, and their relationship from childhood through adulthood, and the wreckage created and left by Joyce's battle with (and ultimate death from) obesity. With the growing concern with obesity (particularly in the United States) the story is more than haunting; it's a siren song. At Joyce's nadir, she is over 500 pounds--but through Ms. Pai's prose, we can see and feel Joyce as a svelte youngster, the innocent clay before it is dry and breaking.

Speaking of prose, the writing here is absolutely magnificent (and I'm not just comparing it to the 200 books I just passed on prior). From the initial pages, we get a sense of the tension to ensue:

Joyce saves the stories of my babyhood the way Mama hides linen company napkins. Safe is dark cedar, they require purposeful retrieval.

. . .

She tells me that Mama caught her standing over my crib with the billy club that our Uncle Harold gave her. Mama took the club away and went to see Uncle Harold with it. "Were you going to hit me?" I ask.

"Probably," she says, and shrugs. "Yes, I was."

Some of the most compelling and telling points in the book are the interludes of what is happening, physically, as a result of the disorder:

She wakes from her dream into her fat, the way yeast wakes inside dough. Dreaming, she had no gravity, no hesitancy.

. . .

She's never really done eating. She eats until interrupted. The phone rings, or the garage door opens and her husband is home, or she must leave for work.

She eats so that she can't be caught, eats only enough so she can't be detected--only enough cookies so the remainder can't be counted at a glance, only enough corn chips so that the bag isn't flattened.

The memoir is rich, powerful, and--most of all--bittersweet. And, unlike most memoirs, this one has an unexpected twist. MY OTHER BODY manages to entertain without ever getting whiny and woe-is-me-ish, or ending with everyone wearing a size 6 and partying in trendy nightclubs. Read a true (true!) story of a real battle with obesity, and unlike the drug and alcohol memoirs (especially the bogus ones), you can read about an issue that likely affects one or more people in your very own life--and answers some questions as to why New York is trying to regulate trans fat.

$15.00 on Amazon, perfectly priced for 350 page book.

Holiday cheer.

2006-12-15T07:41:00.000-05:00

Before you take another sip of coffee (or beer), you must take a look at Kristin Nelson's stats for 2006--indicating the amount of work an agent (and an agency) must go through to get a handful of high-quality manuscripts. Next time you are annoyed that you got a form rejection for your manuscript, recall Kristin's blog entry and remember how much work an agent does, and that to hold the hand of every aspiring writer would take a team of a hundred agents. Not to mention psychotherapists. Post a thanks/comment on her entry, too, for not only finding and selling some great books, but for taking the time to share her insider knowledge of the business day after day.

Anyway . . .

I'll be (pretty much) on vacation for a while, until after the New Year. So posting will be rather hit or miss. Mostly miss. Publishing really does come to a standstill during the holiday season, so there will likely not be much to discuss. Upon my return in January, though, we've got big things coming--including the 2006 Needle Awards, which will be even bigger and better than last year.

I do, however, have two book reviews to post. So tune in Monday (or thereabouts) for the first one, which is one the best POD titles I've read this year.

And yes, I will be reading lots of submissions while en route to various family gatherings.

I wish one and all the very best of holidays. Be safe, healthy and happy!

Kitty Kelley, Random House, William Morris . . . and one step away from iUniverse.

2006-12-14T07:48:00.000-05:00

Publishers Marketplace reports today that the biography of Oprah Winfrey by Kitty Kelley, which had been making the rounds in New York to no avail, finally got picked up by Crown (Random House) for an undisclosed sum. The interesting thing is how many folks were involved in selling it (Larry Kirshbaum, Wayne Kabak at William Morris) and how close it came to actually going to iUniverse.

From PM:

It took not only her usual agent Wayne Kabak at William Morris to pull the deal off, but also Larry Kirshbaum as "marketing consultant." Crown group Jenny Frost takes responsibility for the buy, and Peter Gethers will edit the book.

At one point this summer, Kelley's reps were said to be seriously exploring a publishing deal with iUniverse since they had been unable to find a traditional publisher brave enough to take the book on.

Welcome to POD, the land of the brave.

It's a crap shoot. (Heavy on the crap.)

2006-12-13T12:48:00.000-05:00

Many PODers (seriously, like, over 200) have asked why I don't review fantasy or science fiction (and I'll say it again--I don't read those genres [in commercially published format] so I cannot be a good judge of what is good; it's not a statement about the genre itself). But more so, folks are asking why I don't review a specific title that's right up my alley (wherever that may be).

The answer is this: Who knows.

All it takes is one sentence to kill a pitch for me, which puts me already in the "dread" cycle. (As an example, I never read THE HISTORY OF LOVE by Nicole Krauss (even though it was recommended by a friend) because I read "spans a period of 60 years" in a review of it.) On the flip side, all it takes is one sentence to do the opposite, too.

Sound unfair? Probably. What do you think I am, Kirkus? I'm just an average person trying to get through the muckiest of sludge and I have preferences just like anyone else.

The typical next question is, "Well, what can I write to grab [a reader's] attention?"

The answer is this: Who knows.

But my very best advice is to write whatever you like most. Don't write chick lit because you think it will sell (especially since the market is in a downturn) or thrillers because you are a man. If it feels good, write it.

If you look back over the culture of entertainment, there have been some successes that no one would have predicted. Who would've guessed a show about nothing would go down as one of the greatest television programs ever, or that a song about a pedophile with a sinus infection would launch a band to stardom, or that a book where 85% of the protagonist's speech is in the form of a stutter would win a national award? And there are countless cases where a perfect concept is introduced but falls completely flat. So, just write what you like writing. The best will rise to the top. Does that mean it will get published?

Don't be silly. Of course not.

Feeling the pain.

2006-12-12T09:56:00.000-05:00

Open the POD can and the worms slither out. Jeepers.

GRAY HIGHWAY: AN AMERICAN UFO JOURNEY by Matthew Holm and Jonathan Follett (Toadspittle Hill Productions)

2006-12-07T13:25:00.000-05:00

Ten years ago, recent college grads Matthew Holm (Penn State) and Jonathan Follett (Boston University) decided to take what they termed a "working vacation", a cross-country journey of finding the most popular UFO sites. Their journey took place during the height (keep your dissention to yourselves) of The X Files, and while interest in aliens may have waned (some) since then, this travel memoir is delightful, clever, and compelling--and here's why:

First, let me say that I'm not that interested in extraterrestrials; most of my attention was drawn to David Duchovny's vague comeliness. What makes GRAY HIGHWAY so accessible is that the authors are not experts (nor even compulsive adherents) on the subject. They are every-day dudes, writing a memoir that is anything but rote.

The story and writing is marvelous; the style, quite assuredly, is an even blend of SIDEWAYS (some of the best sections/writing is what happens between locales), UNDER THE TUSCAN SUN, and STATES OF MIND. And the book is put together well, too (read: not churned out using a basic POD template from one of the big POD publishers), using stylish fonts and maps of the places they visited, and looks (not [intentionally] trying to disparage iU or Authorhouse here) like it was designed by a team of folks at Simon & Schuster or Random House.

The writing is intelligent, and their commentary on the people and locations brings more to light than fanaticism; it's an impressionist painting of this nation. Holm and Follett visit various spots on their quest for alien info: Pascagoula, Murfreesboro, Roswell (of course), White Sands (of course), El Cajon, and a slew of others make an appearance and leave an indelible mark on the reader.

At risk of disparaging the other books I have reviewed here (and I'm absolutely not doing that) GRAY HIGHWAY is one of the most unPODlike books I've read to date. It's fantastic reading--and a must for everyone who likes buddy books, travel memoirs (remember, you'll learn as much about Americana as you do UFOs) and, of course, extraterrestrials. But most of all, it's a highly-memorable book for lovers of literature.

It's $11.95 on Amazon--and the perfect holiday gift for that one open spot left on your list.

Sobol, Simon & Schuster--bedfellows beyond strange, in an orgy of misconception.

2006-12-06T07:34:00.000-05:00

I don't care what strides this bogus contest is making; I still hate seeing authors getting ripped off.

If you haven't seen this article about the Sobol writing contest, then check it out.

So now the winner gets $100,000 and a book deal with Simon & Schuster (Fireside). Sounds sweet? Then you've got some defective taste buds, my friend.

First of all, the remaining authors who entered are getting their pockets lightened by $85--a fee Sobol claims is a necessary administrative fee.

Give me a break.

At the risk of sounding vain, I am going to compare the Sobol awards to the Needles. First of all, I charged nothing--nothing--and never found myself in need of an administrative fee. Secondly, while Alice Hoffman is certainly a respected author and Robert Riger (of B&N) is, I'm sure, a great guy, I would argue that the people I had judging the Needles were solidly more qualified--agents and editors that represent and acquire some of the best literary works on the market today (none of them asked for an administrative fee either). Thirdly, there is this statement:

[EVP Sue Pollack] declined to give an exact number of manuscripts received, but said it was more than 1,000 and that the contest had not been hurt by any criticism.

Eh. Yes, it was hurt by the criticism. The original due date was December 31st, just a few weeks from now (though they extended it to March 31st--what great folks). But most importantly, the statement really means they have between 1,000 and 2,000 manuscripts so far.

You've got to be kidding.

Simon & Schuster vets on a higher level than that every week. Are you telling me that suddenly S&S puts a stat on getting a book published with them at about 1 in 1,500 while the rest of the industry puts it closer to 1 in 25,000? What is S&S thinking? This will not have a happy ending for them. Not to mention that I (one person) vetted nearly 6,000 pitches (and 1,400 books) last year alone, so many of those coming from authors who put so much effort and energy (and belief) into their works that they decided to publish the books themselves. And if S&S thinks it's such a great idea, why don't they run their own contest? And why are they going to pay a $100,000 advance for the book? Do they really think Sobol does a better job vetting 1,500 manuscripts than, say, any given agent at Writer's House or Trident or Dystel & Goderich? Bizarre.

And lastly--and perhaps worst of all--you end up with Sobol as your agent? Holy cow.

And how, exactly, are they going to afford this venture? If they get a total of 1,500 submissions ($127,500) and have to dish out $142,000 in prize money, do you really think they'll take the difference out of their personal IRAs? No. We call that bankruptcy.

And I've got news for both Sobol and S&S: There is a chance--a very likely chance-- that they will not find a book (let alone three) worth publishing out of the 1,500 (or whatever) submissions. And what if the best title is genre science fiction or horror? Is Fireside going to publish that (since they never have before)? Something is not right here.

Bottom line? This contest sucks--not just for authors, but now for Simon & Schuster, too.

At once Freyed, now Burroughed.

2006-12-05T12:02:00.000-05:00

I have to admit, memoirs aren't what they used to be. Or rather, they simply aren't.

First we had the Frey debacle, and now the fiasco with Augusten Burroughs. Who's next? Will it turn out Dave Eggers really doesn't have a younger brother? That it was really a kitten he took under his wing all those years in his twenties?

What we need are some foolproof memoirs. True? No, I didn't mean that. I meant foolproof, as impossible-to-disprove.

You fiction writers who are bored/exhausted/bereft-of-ideas/mistakenly-think-writing-a-memoir-will-be-easier-to-get-published should try penning some bogus life story. Just make it airtight. Here a few suggestions which you can take and use to pen a masterpiece. It doesn't matter if you've never experienced these things; just remember: airtight.

STRANDED: A Memoir of Being Lost

PARTY OF ONE: My Life Story of Having No Family, No Friends, No Acquaintances, and No Human Contact

THE REAL LIFE AMAZING DAYS OF THE BUBBLE-BOY

HELLO, BEAUTIFUL: a memoir of self-love

NICE GUY: How I Lived a Life of Loving Everyone, Respecting Everyone, and Generally Having Nothing Bad To Say About Anything. Ever.

GETTING AWAY WITH IT: Crazy Things I've Done That No One Can Prove

WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?: An Adventure In Memory Loss

THE NIGHT WATCHMAN: You'd Be Surprised What Goes On When No One Is Around

ONE IN A MILLION: A Tale of Acute Anonymity

IT'S NOT A LIE IF YOU REALLY BELIEVE IT: A Memoir

Every PODers best friend: Amazon.

2006-12-05T08:27:00.000-05:00

Amazon has decided to "kick up" their POD presence/availability/quality by selecting HP's Indigo Presses for its ever growing POD book business.

Amazon is completely focused on the customer experience," said Greg Greeley, vice president of books at Amazon.com. "This collaboration with HP will enable us to significantly increase the number of available titles our customers can purchase while offering publishers the highest quality color printing options."

Amazon has pretty much been the main way (fair to say they sell 90% of all POD titles?) for self-pubbed authors to get their product in the hands of the reading community. Follow this statistical nugget and you'll see why they are so committed:

The books-on-demand market is expected to grow from approximately 20 billion book pages in 2006 to approximately 38 billion book pages by 2009.(1) This is due chiefly to the increasing demand for small-volume, rare and self-published books.

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Along with Susanne Severeid, you can find another Hollywooder (Hollywoodite? Hollywoodist?) using POD to get a book into the ether: Diana Douglas (the mommy of Michael Douglas). Check it out.

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And if you are looking for someone to review your fantasy novel, you might want to check this out.

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And if you're simply looking for a little justice in the world . . .

Fuel the economy!

2006-11-30T14:58:00.000-05:00

Why are you reading this blog when you know you should be buying holiday gifts for loved ones (and mandatory gifts for colleagues who really mean very little to you)? I'll tell you why: because there is a perfect selection of novels (aka gifts) and such over there on the right. No, a little further down. Stop, right there.

I mean, what adolescent wouldn't love to break free of the Potteresque tinge of his/her library. Blow his/her mind with this.

Afraid your kid is a little too balanced and optimistic? Bring a dose of reality with this little nugget.

Instead of reading mundane new stories about polygamy or watching that goofus from Twister, give the gift that keeps on giving.

And in case Stephen King becoming a romantic is not what your horror-loving friends are looking for, well . . . let's just say what's left of their minds will be blown with this.

C'mon, you know you've got that credit on Amazon from the recall of OJ's book. Put it to some honest and respectable use this time.

If only the folks at Lightning Source had this much fun...

2006-11-29T07:41:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Daniel Scott Buck and Fade Theory for this tasty little treat. See how books are bound at if'n books + marks in Pawtucket, Rhode Island--complete with dancers and music.

This is some funny stuff.

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Also, check out MJ Rose's blog today, where Josie Brown offers up yet more excellent advice. (I have made it a point to read all her Wednesday entries; each and every one is poignant and important.)

Her commentary today is regarding niches (categories for how books are placed in the brick-and-mortar stores) but she touches on interesting points that affect those selling online:

"Both Barnes & Noble and Borders have shown a drop in sales this quarter compared to a year ago. At the same time Amazon sales continue to grow. Already the online commerce bohemoth has 10 percent of the market.

Borders, which has partnered with Amazon for its online commerce, announced recently that it is now reconsidering that venture. But if the break is complete, Borders will have to play catch-up as quickly and innovatively as possible. Amazon is an innovator, both in its product offerings and its technological development, as proven in the ways in which it gets customers to browse or search by topic, category (and books can be keyworded under multiple categories, I might add), look at book covers, read online excerpts, listen to audio interviews of their favorite authors, even comment with authors who blog (make that plog) right there on the book's subpage on Amazon."

The other half of the job

2006-11-28T08:16:00.000-05:00

If writing is half of the job, what is the other half? The Miami Herald has the answer (though you all know what it is).

A snippet:

In response to an e-mail asking about how he markets his books, [Seth] Godin wrote: "The unspoken truth is that except for perhaps 250 giant books every year [out of 75,000 published], the publisher is expecting the author to do 100 percent of the sales and promotion. Because authors don't understand that, they end up bitter, angry and perhaps destitute."

And later . . .

His advice to authors is to get out and really work for their books: "You need a platform to make a published book work. If you don't have a platform yet, you should self-publish your first book and give away enough copies to get a platform, and then use that platform to engage your readers so that you can sell the second one to a publisher and quit your day job.''

Agent & Editor Q&A: Agent Five (Kirsten Manges)

2006-11-20T08:38:00.000-05:00

Here we are at the headquarters of POD-Dy Mouth Sewage and Septic with yet another unveiled interview with a top agent in New York. Today, we have Kirsten Manges with us, where she offers up some great answers to my half-rate investigative journalism.

Girl: First of all, how quickly do you delete submissions that start: "Dear Kristin," or "Dear Keirsten,"?

Kirsten: It’s an easy one to get wrong. I always appreciate it when authors take care in spelling it correctly, though a mistake of this nature wouldn’t stop me from considering a query.

Girl: You're far kinder than I. People spell girl wrong all the time in their submissions to me. And what does that tell me about their writing? Geez. So, what made you decide to leave the venerable Curtis Brown Ltd. to start your own eponymous agency? Please note that I mean eponymous in a good way, despite the fact that the literal meaning is "relating to a person whose name is or is thought to be the source of the name of something, such as a city, country, or era." For years, I thought it was just some goofy word R.E.M. made up to cover the stench of arguably their worst album. I mean, seriously. Who really cares about B-sides?

Kirsten: I was with Curtis Brown for 8 years and built quite a solid client list while there. I worked alongside a group of brilliant agents and learned a great deal in the process. Eventually, I felt I was ready for a new challenge and decided to take the plunge and go out on my own. Clients have always been my first priority and I was bolstered by the fact that each of mine agreed to come with me when I opened up my own shop. I’d say the nature hasn’t changed so much (though I probably work longer hours now!), it’s just much more exciting and immediate.

Girl: Hey, we love entrepreneurial types here at the Mouth. Who are some of your greatest success stories? And don't feel bad about leaving out some of your authors. I'm left out all the time and *sniff* there is some glory in being a midlister. Okay, like hell there is.

Kirsten: All of my authors inspire me greatly—you can never know in advance who’s going to hit it big, but I never take on an author unless I feel passionate about their work and confident in their potential success. I’m very proud to be associated with writers such as Anne Easter Smith, Jill Smolinski, Jennifer Vandever, and Olympia Vernon.

Girl: Does it matter if an author self-published before approaching you? Does the sales record suddenly become critical? Some of my favorite books that I've endorsed on my blog have sold no more than a few dozen copies.

Kirsten: It doesn’t impress or hurt if an author has self-published. One of the key factors that would persuade me to take on a POD might be sales figures. I’m in this business so naturally I’m always looking for the gem that has gone unrecognized, sales figures or not.

Girl: Before you get a deluge of inappropriate books with logos from POD publishers on the spines, tell us what you are looking for exactly. (Probably won't make a difference, mind you.)

Kirsten: I represent writers of high quality fiction and non-fiction, including narrative, memoir, history, popular science, sports writing, psychology, travel, food, health, and the arts. My Interests? They run the gamut from humor to history. I’m drawn to memoir, journalism, history, women's issues, and multicultural books, among others and represent a number of scholarly writers, lawyers, historians, and sociologists, who bring their professional expertise to books for the general trade market

Specifically, for non-fiction I’m looking for narrative non-fiction which includes a wide spectrum of subjects when complemented by a strong and alluring voice. I’m looking for strong credentials, an original point of view, and excellent writing skills. With fiction, I’m looking for well-written commercial novels, as well as compelling and provocative literary works.

Girl: I've found some terrific self-published books--really terrific--but the labor I have had to endure to find them has been excruciating. Do you see the world of POD as having any benefit beyond turning the slush pile into $20 paperbacks?

Kirsten: The job you’re doing is noble and invaluable simply because it does take time to discriminate between those who self-publish from merit and those who self-publish from vanity. There is nothing inherently better about POD.

As far as finding representation goes, I don’t think POD is a benefit per se. A fancy package is the least important element of the submission at this stage in the game. On the slush pile, the bound book and the manuscript carry equal weight with me; of course each agent is different.

This said, an author who queries looking for representation in securing a trade publisher because s/he has managed to sell a bunch of books may be considered differently. A POD certainly brings up more questions for the agent if he or she likes the manuscript—what was the publishing history? Did trade publishers see it already? I wouldn’t consider the text differently than a manuscript but I would question the choice of format.

Girl: My favorite question to ask agents and editors: Is it true that if you have a brilliant manuscript, your book will eventually find a home/publisher?

Kirsten: My first inclination is to say that the beauty of the POD model is that with you vetting and in touch with good agents, it means that it is almost impossible for a good book not to find an outlet. But that’s just unfair—and way too much work for POD Girl. Unfortunately, there are those heartbreak situations where we can’t find a home for a wonderful manuscript. Most times, however, while it may not be a major publishing house there is someone who is willing to publish if the manuscript is really brilliant. It’s an excellent question though, because I do think POD does provide an alternative outlet for those heartbreak situations. On POD—I think it is a terrific resource for good material to find an audience and gives a bit of power back to the reader to decide what is good writing or an important subject. I had a situation a few years back where publishers just couldn’t see the market for a non-fiction project. The author had a platform and I encouraged him to self-publish. It ended up selling fantastically. In the end, he still wanted a trade publisher on board and so we went back to publishers and it sold. I’m not sure if that’s a success story or more of a sad comment on a timid publishing climate.

Girl: I get writers asking me all the time if they should abandon the traditional path to publication and go POD. Do you have any advice for aspiring writers out there?

Kirsten: I guess the first thing I would say is don’t look for an agent too quickly. Make sure you develop your writing and establish your platform before seeking an agent so that when you do put yourself out there, you feel ready. Promote yourself the best way you can (journals, magazines, blogs, etc). Then go out there and believe in your work. If you get turned down by agents or editors remember it’s a highly subjective business. If you’ve come to this step prepared and if you’re not snapped up by an agent then self-publish if you think it is really that good. Then all you have to do is promote it like crazy.

Thanks, Kristen. (I'm joking.) Your time and insight is much appreciated. And you may want to up the size of the transom above your office door. For those who wish to contact Kirsten:

Kirsten Manges Literary Agency

115 West 29th Street, 3rd Floor, New York, NY 10001

The National Book Awards (or, This Ain't No Quills)

2006-11-16T19:10:00.000-05:00

Once again, the National Book Awards have delivered up five nominees that have garnered weak sales on their own (except for one). Courtesy of Publishers Marketplace, the Bookscan data is as follows:

Mark Z. Danielewski, Only Revolutions 14,000 units (Amazon rank: 1,743)
Richard Powers, The Echo Maker 4,000 units (Amazon rank: 982) *winner*
Dana Spiotta, Eat the Document 4,000 units (Amazon rank: 215,013)
Jess Walter, The Zero 3,000 units (Amazon rank: 25,449)
Ken Kalfus, A Disorder Peculiar to the Country 2,000 units (Amazon rank: 41,823)

I've reviewed (several) POD titles on this blog that have sold more than all of these, except for Danielewski's. Granted, some of these titles have only been released for a few weeks. Of course, the real benefit is now that the nominations have been made public, all of these will probably sell at least 50,000 units.

Also important to note is the Amazon rank of each (from a few hours ago), further indicating its unreliablility.

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Also, check out this article over at Independent Publisher (home of the IPPY awards) which touches on the recent issues within the commercial publishing industry. A snippet:

Granted, these days we also see books published by the major houses in which editorial assistance seems to be lacking and/or spelling and typographical errors occur. In other cases we see books published by the majors in which one must ask whether the cause of Literature might have been better served if they had saved the paper. Scan the stacks of remaindered books in the aisles of bookstores in any city, and especially those of the big box stores. Just as an MFA does not guarantee the quality of the writing, publication by a major publishing firm does not guarantee the quality of the writing or its success in the marketplace. Furthermore, the notion that a book published by a major firm guarantees the authenticity of its content is undermined by the claims of plagiarism and falsification made against some of their better-known authors.

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And for all my whiney commercially published friends (like me), check out Jason Pinter's blog. His latest entry is about the books that did become successful after [lousy advances] and helped change the publishing landscape. Make sure to read the comments for more examples.
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Want a chance to be one of the members of RiotLit? Well, here's your chance. Please, for the love of all that is holy, try to become a member of something meaningful in the publishing industry (aka not ReganBooks; the best part of OJ's book is that James Frey can finally get his life back).
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And for all you Science Fiction authors who are looking for reviews . . .

300 (but who's counting?)

2006-11-15T07:38:00.000-05:00

Contrary to what you've heard, 100,000,000 Bon Jovi fans can be wrong; in fact, it's certain. However, 993,673 POD-dy Mouth fans can not be wrong! We're celebrating today's post--the 300th--here at POD-dy Mouth Industries. That's right, we're opening a second can of Schlitz and it's never tasted better (it couldn't taste worse). I thought I might last 50 entries into this project but here I am, 300 posts and some 103,000 words later, still trying to find free time to do this--but still enjoying it. We've had just shy of a million visitors since this blog's inception back on March 1st of 2005, and it has been profiled/covered in no less than 14 newspapers across this great nation.

Shucks, I'm flattered.

What has all this time and attention proven? That I could have written another novel with the energy spent on this blog. But more importantly (I suppose) is we've shown that there are some dynamite books hidden in the ether, never to land in a dusty corner of B&N. I've had countless emails from folks writing of how they loved a book that I'd reviewed--or even how it changed their lives! No one has ever sent me, the author, such an email.

Way back (18 months ago), going POD (and digital format) seemed like a foolish course to follow. But the landscape is changing daily. And it is tough for an industry as low-geared as publishing to make adjustments in a timely fashion. Look at the most recent post at MJ Rose's blog. Here's a snippet: ". . . the playing field between the bestseller and the midlist book is being leveled."

So, raise a glass (if that's orange juice in your glass, throw a shot of vodka in there) and down one with me. Cheers.

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Elsewhere:

Over at the PubGuy blog, there is an interview with commercially-published author (and actress) Harley Jane Kozak, where she touches on the same items as Nicholas Sparks (from my previous post).

If you haven't been to Five Chapters yet, then put down that screwdriver and type the URL with both hands! Great new writing by great (commercially-published) authors. Check out the archives for some great stuff, too.

And best of all (and totally fun), check out the Warner Books POD page. It's a great place to get books released by Warner, Bulfinch, and Little, Brown while paying PublishAmerica prices. Please note: POD titles are not returnable (*rim shot*).

Nick says . . .

2006-11-10T07:19:00.000-05:00

This is a small excerpt from the Writer's Corner over at the website for Nicholas Sparks. Granted, this data wasn't written yesterday, but it still holds true:

Because publishing is becoming more business-oriented each day with more examination of the bottom line, it's harder to break out than ever. Publishers are generally less willing to take big chances in "growing" an author. They want books that will sell, and usually sell right away. If they don't think yours will sell, odds are, they won't take a chance on it. Why? A major reason is because authors in general have become more prolific. F. Scott Fitzgerald, Ernest Hemingway, and William Faulkner have fewer published novels combined than any number of contemporary novelists -- Roberts, King, Koontz, Steel, etc.

So, next time you call on a POD publisher, tell 'em Nick sent you.

Further, Nick writes:

. . . You have to understand business factors that are important to the editors making the decision on whether or not to buy your novel: What's the genre? What successful books are similar to the one you've written? Why is yours better? What's the market for your novel? How can we get the word out to that market? And most importantly, will this book be recommended to others?

Here are some other questions they might ask:

Does your book have movie potential? What I mean is, have you already sold the movie rights?
Does your book have to do with cryptic religious messages? Sorry, scratch that. I meant elephants.
Does your name even vaguely resemble Setterfield or Sittenfeld?
Just exactly how well do you know Oprah?
If you're book is self-published, have you already sold 20,000 copies? I mean, we need some proof it will sell. You think we take chances? On second thought, you probably sold it to everyone who would want a copy. Never mind.
How large is your extended family? Big readers, are they?
Is your book a fraternity or sorority memoir? We'd love to get our hands on that alumni list!
How much of your advance are you willing to invest in publicity?

It's a brutal industry. Just ignore the bruises and be happy you're in it.

One other reason HarperCollins, et. al., aren't doing as well: Dilution

2006-11-09T07:32:00.000-05:00

I keep reading about how HarperCollins (and all the other big publishers) are not turning as good a profit as they used to. Many claim the long term problem is due to people spending money on other forms of entertainment, like DVDs (though that market whines as well) and video games. The truth here is that folks have only so much money to spend on entertainment, no matter the form. People won't spend more money, they just move a portion of money from one type of entertainment to another.

But aside from the competing types of entertainment out there, there is one within the publishing industry that is repeatedly ignored: self-published books. If you do a little math, you can see how much money is being pulled from the commercially published books and being transferred over to POD. It's bigger than you think (if would have to be or why would iUniverse and Lulu continue to exist)?

I'll be conservative. Let's say you have 50,000 POD authors (don't laugh; PublishAmerica claims to publish a quarter of these). And let's go with the average number of sales for a POD book (which I think is a too low) of 75 units (don't laugh again; this doesn't take into account POD titles that sell extremely well, like the 5,000 copies of the DIDYMUS CONTINGENCY that Jeremy Robinson has sold). So, 50K times 75 units is 3,750,000 books. Now add on the average price of $17. That means over the past couple of years, POD has stolen just shy of $64 million dollars from New York (not including Xlibris, which funnels its profits back to the Random House). And the truth is this is probably double that.

The publishing industry has become incredibly diluted. Not just with POD, but how about all the small publishers that have claimed their stake? Even the number of agents submitting books to editors has reached an all time high. We are beyond the point of the massive publishing groups like Bertelsmann and Holtzbrinck looking to snatch up the next William Morrow or FSG. Who's even a possibility? Maybe MacAdam/Cage. Other than that it is an ocean of ultra-small publishers that will never have the appeal to draw a major in to buying them.

The times, among other things, are a changin'. Check out what the New York Daily News has to add about POD.

The center of the universe: Boise?

2006-11-08T11:19:00.000-05:00

I've had a bunch of authors contact me recently about picking an agent (they actually got offers from more than one) and if I had any advice on who to select. Well, in most of the cases, all of the agents were excellent, so I really couldn't give much feedback.

But then the issue of where the agent was located came into play--and two authors said they would probably go with the one located in New York (vice not New York). Since this is something that Kristin Nelson had blogged about recently, I thought I would add my half buck as well.

Location of an agent really means nothing. At all. Granted there are still a lot of agents who lunch quite a bit with editors, but the industry is really changing. As the old school agents and editors retire and *sniff* pass on, the younger breed is bringing a new tone to the publishing world.

I remember an agent that had offered me representation for my first novel. She wasn't that old, but she was definitely old school. She kept telling me how when she made a submission, her books were noticed because she packaged them up in a nice, attractive box. She just kept saying this over and over. The box, the box, the box. "When my box arrives. . . " I couldn't take it. This was a gal who wanted nothing to do with the Internet. Everything we did in the early days was sending and faxing pages back and forth. It was bizarre. Respected as she is, I’m glad I never signed with her.

Now--according to the folks I deal with in NY--very few folks want paper at all anymore. And all I can think is how that poor agent has a crapload of unused boxes in some self-storage place on Staten Island.

Where was I?

Location, right. So it really does not matter where an agent is in this day and age. Sure, schmoozing is still important, and certainly the point of BookExpo as well as the London and Frankfurt Book Fairs—not to mention conferences. But living in New York to pitch books? 99% of this stuff--pitching, negotiating, editing--is done over the phone and email anyway. You don't see writers moving to New York to get closer to their editors, right?

So bottom line: An agent living in New York certainly can't hurt. But a determining factor? Not in a million years. An agent's reputation is the same regardless of their home address.

Significantly hurt . . .

2006-11-07T12:04:00.000-05:00

Read the sad results of what 60 agents think of an author going POD.

Are you feeling lucky?

2006-11-07T09:06:00.000-05:00

For all of you enthralled by Google-bombing, you should check out what happens when you put in these items in the Google search field and then hit the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button:

Scam publisher

Publishing rip-off

Vanity authors

The possibilities are endless. The results are mostly the same.

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Elsewhere in the POD world:

Susanne Severeid won the second place Literary Award for Published Fiction by the Arizona Authors Association (first place went to an author at HarperCollins). And you can read an interview with Susanne here.

Arthur Edwards has done at MySpace what so many indie rock bands are doing: putting some free material up to listen to. You can visit his MySpace page and listen to the audio of a good portion of STUCK OUTSIDE OF PHOENIX there.

And anyone interested in getting an author appearance, etc. for a book club, feel free to send an email to Christopher Meeks, author of THE MIDDLE-AGED MAN AND THE SEA, to set up a date.
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And you thought I was anonymous. This lady (guy?) really pushes the envelope.

It's all in the numbers.

2006-11-03T07:13:00.000-05:00

Running behind schedule as usual, I am just now getting around to an interesting post on book sales by the gals over at Bookends.

Regarding Neilsen Bookscan's tracked sales of books for 2004 (1.2 million), here are the results:

Of those 1.2 million, 950,000 sold fewer than 99 copies.
Another 200,000 sold fewer than 1,000 copies.
Only 25,000 books sold more than 5,000 copies.
Fewer than 500 sold more than 100,000 copies.
Only 10 books sold more than a million copies each.
The average book in the United States sells about 500 copies.

Okay, we all know the bulk of the "99 copies and under" category came from POD publishers. What's really disturbing is that only 25,000 books sold more than 5,000 copies. Talk about a dying industry. I think I'm going to burn my television on the front lawn.

And fewer than 500 books sold more than 100,000 copies? What? The fact that the term "bestseller" represents how fast a title sells really distorts the total sales of a book. Most people (who are not in the publishing industry) assume a bestseller has sold hundreds of thousands of copies--even millions.

And only 10 books sold more than 1,000,000 units? I'm not even sure I believe that. I can think of 20 off the top of my head that I assumed sold that many. That means each major publishing conglomerate (bad word, I know) only gets 1 or 2 million-copy-seller per year?

We're lucky to get advances at all.

The only way to sell your title in this day and age is to think outside of the cube, man.

If it's good enough for Viggo . . .

2006-11-01T11:20:00.000-05:00

Yes, big/fun news in the world of self-publishing: Viggo Mortensen started his own imprint (like a thousand other authors) to sell some of his books (as well as others). From the NY Times article, it seems he is actually using a print run instead of POD, but his goals (and frustrations) are really no different than what so many other authors have tried to do, like Jeremy Robinson.

And why, for the love of rocks, does the NY Times tout Viggo's literary attempts as Indie when the rest of the self-published world is viewed as vanity (or worse)? And more importantly, why can't more men look like Viggo? I mean, seriously.
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Another self-published book rockets (sails? drives? walks?) to commercially-published success. Here is another cross-over deal listed at Publishers Marketplace:

President of Bridges, Branches and Braids Ruth King's HEALING RAGE: Women Making Inner Peace Possible, previously self-published, to Lauren Marino at Gotham, by Laurie Fox of the Linda Chester Literary Agency.

In case you didn't know, Gotham is part of Penguin Putnam.
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And regardless of your political affiliation, you'll enjoy this quiz where you have to match the sex scene with the politician who wrote it. I only got 5 out of 13 right. (The Kenneth Starr excerpt was a gimme).

AMAZING JOURNEY: THE LIFE OF PETE TOWNSHEND by Mark Ian Wilkerson (Lulu)

2006-10-30T07:31:00.000-05:00

I'm not an avid Who fan. And most of their (best) stuff was written before I was even born. So why can I recite almost every lyric from Who's Next? Why was I the only girl (not to mention toddler) on my block who could spin my arms around windmill-style to the chord thrusts in Baba O'Riley?

Older siblings.

For an entire year my brother, Thomas, would not come down for dinner unless someone yelled up to his room, "Tommy, can you hear me?"

Recently, I finished a commercially-published nonfiction book on Morrissey, the lead singer from 80's British alternapop band The Smiths, so I was ripe for another biography on a rock star. And let me tell you, Wilkerson's book on Pete Townshend blew the other book away.

AMAZING JOURNEY is (hold on to your oats) over 600 pages of detailed, meticulous research, all written so well you'd expect a Da Capo logo on the spine. I can't imagine how long it took Wilkerson to pull together the immense information in this book, but it clearly reminds me why I would not be successful at writing biographies. The book is outstanding, covering the famed musician's entire life, and managing to entertain and surprise you along the way. If Pete Townshend was considering writing an autobiography one day, I'd kindly suggest he forget it. This book is more than enough. Here you'll get all the goods on the man who once wrote, "I hope I die before I get old."

Wilkerson writes a fair and balanced look at the guitarist and songwriter (unlike the worship-fest I suffered through with the Morrissey book). If you are a Who fan or even just a lover of 70's rock, this is a must for your collection. Ignore the price; it's like buying three books at once.

You can get it on Amazon for $34.95 or pick it up ten bucks cheaper directly from Lulu (or download it for under $7.50). I'd call that a bargain. The best I ever had.

Prices are coming down.

2006-10-27T07:14:00.000-04:00

Maybe not at PublishAmerica or Xlibris, but the retail prices of POD books seem to be dropping. Check out Lulu's new distribution options page for the costs to produce a book. This is dynamite.

I am hearing less and less from folks about how the cost of POD (to purchase a book) is keeping them from buying. The prices for midrange novels (say, 250 pages) has become pretty darn close to commercially published books by some POD companies--within a buck, in many cases, if not the same.

The real headache now is the issue of production. Let's hope the new machines at Lightning Source speed up the process, because in this country people want stuff now. So many people wonder why Amazon hasn't taken over the world (it's certainly on its way). It's because Amazon cannot get you a book tonight. Most people want to browse a book and take it home. The problem with POD, of course, is not only do you have to wait for Amazon to ship it, you have to wait (in most cases) for it to be printed at Lightning Source. You can't be in a hurry when it comes to POD. Heaven help you if you need a book to do research for a school project.

Now, if the fable of POD machines in bookstores comes true someday . . .
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In case you didn't see this, it's a must read. Wired magazine has a piece on ultra short stories. Like, six words. Some of them are just great, like:

Gown removed carelessly. Head, less so.
--Joss Whedon

It’s behind you! Hurry before it
--Rockne S. O’Bannon

Epitaph: He shouldn't have fed it.
-- Brian Herbert

Commas, see, add, like, nada, okay?
-- Gregory Maguire

RANSOM SEABORN by Bill Deasy (Velluminous Press)

2006-10-25T07:22:00.000-04:00

Last year, I reviewed a tasty little novel written by Arthur Edwards titled STUCK OUTSIDE OF PHOENIX. It was a heartfelt story about an introspective (and physical) journey, and written by the former bass player for The Refreshments.

Well, it turns out musicians (especially songwriters) have a real talent for penning novels, because today's pick, RANSOM SEABORN, was written by Bill Deasy. Yes, that Bill Deasy, the singer/songwriter from The Gathering Field. I guess sometimes you just need to tell a story that requires more than you can fit into a set of lyrics.

Deasy's novel is a sort of coming-of-(late)-age tale about young Dan Finbar and his relationship with college buddy Ransom Seaborn. Poor Ransom only survives forty pages, leaving Fin and Ransom's girlfriend, Maggie, to sort out the whats and whys of what happened--and how to move on. It's an earnest and rewarding journey, a simultaneous opening up and closing down of the human spirit, like a gentle walk through the woods--while learning how to avoid tripping on the broken branches. Bill Deasy knows how to pen compelling prose, capturing the mood and style of classic American writing.

The book is filled with delicious snippets of the transition from adolescence to adulthood, like this one, where Fin had been drinking before a dance at his Christian-infused college:

The song ended and Lynn asked, "Can we step outside for a minute?" This was going even better than I'd hoped. Standing in the cool, night air, I gazed into her almond eyes awaiting her cue. After what seemed like an eternity she said, "Have you been drinking, Finbar?"

It gets fuzzy after that. She became the missionary and I the unconverted native. I mostly tuned out her speech, which revolved around her God and her values and the dangers of alcohol and the fact that I had held her too closely. It became the sound the TV makes when a station runs a test of the emergency broadcast system.

The book references J.D. Salinger--both literally as well as in writing style--repeatedly, and fans of Salinger's magnum opus will certainly not be disappointed here. Fin wanders through his days at college in a haze, reconstructing his life piece by piece, page by page, until you reach the unexpected and vaguely hopeful end.

If N. Frank Daniels' FUTUREPROOF is the post-modern adolescent abyss, RANSOM SEABORN is several fields from the edge of the cliff. This is a sweet, enjoyable read--absolute fantastic literature. And at $12.95, it is exactly what Random House would charge you if they had published it. One final note: This novel has one of the best covers (front, and especially the back) that I have seen in the realm of POD to date. Buy two copies; the holidays are upon you.

In defense of Macmillan (and other treats)

2006-10-24T08:06:00.000-04:00

If you caught my brief comment on Macmillan's New Writing program last week (a sort of where are they now update), you may get the impression I was hammering Macmillan. I was. A little. Though I have always had high regard for the publisher.

Well, I received a cogent response from Ian Hocking, author of DEJA VU, a POD-dy pick from 2005. Being in the land where Macmillan has more of a presence (England), he could offer a more valuable insight. Ian had this to share:

Just read your post about Macmillan New Writing - I think your comments are a little unfair. The UK press have been pretty hard on the outfit, but the imprint has put has put its money where its mouth is re: publicity and editing. The books are widely available in branches of UK bookstores (virtually impossible for POD and self- published stuff). I've read a couple of them, and the overall quality is high - both content and general editing. I wrote a review of Roger Morris's book here. Morris has a recent blog entry in which he gave details of his first royalty cheque. I don't know too much about PublishAmerica, but it might be a little unfair on Macmillan to put the two in the same basket. BTW, I don't have any connection to Macmillan NW (in fact, the gits turned down my latest novel). You might also be interested in my review of the book written by Michael Barnard, who set up the NW imprint - a couple of the other NW authors responded to my critical comments.

Click to all these links. The royalty link is of particular interest. And I can tell you the sales and figures are pretty close to your average American midlist novel. Excellent stuff.
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Carol Hoenig, author of the lyrically haunting (and 2005 POD-dy pick) WITHOUT GRACE, has won yet another award for her book, this time taking the fiction award at the 2006 DIY Book Festival.
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And if you thought self-publishing might be a dead end (and while the odds are in great favor of that), you just never know. Check out this recent book deal from Publishers Marketplace:

Rights to Teri Woods's originally self-published TRUE TO THE GAME, plus to two sequels and two stand alone street novels, to Karen Thomas at Warner, in a major deal, by Marc Gerald at The Agency Group (world).

For those of you who don't know, a "major deal" means it was worth a minimum of $500,000--which is the entire financial career of a midlister.
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And if you think I am insane for trying to wade through the sea of POD / Self-published titles, here's a guy with an even greater mental defect than I: The Unsung Critic. Instead of self-pubbed novels, he wades through screenplays. He's going to need a life-preserver for sure.
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Also - check out this very cool interview with Jeremy Robinson, author of THE DIDYMUS CONTINGENCY, where he discusses at length his writing and the impact of POD.
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Lastly, check out this unpublished author who uses an econometric forecasting model to determine the publication date of his novel. For one out of 5,000 of us, it is simple: never.

Tune back in first thing tomorrow when I uncover one of the best jewels of 2006 so far!

MONKEY WRENCH by Harland W. Carson (Authorhouse)

2006-10-20T07:39:00.000-04:00

Well, talk about a long road. This clever, engrossing novel came out in 1999, significantly before POD had dug in its heels and overloaded the listings on Amazon. Add to that that it took me a half a year to get around to reading it, and you've got a book that was a long time coming.

Well, it has arrived.

The book I'm talking about is MONKEY WRENCH by Harland W. Carson (real name A. A. Allan), not to be confused with the book by the same name by P. J. Tracy (MONKEEWRENCH).

I haven't read a captivating, funny mystery like this since MOTHERLESS BROOKLYN. Mysteries, with me, are a tough genre. Like romance, it's easy to step out of bounds and go somewhere ridiculous. But not so with MONKEY WRENCH. He had me from the first page--the first line even:

Face your fear and conquer it, or die slowly by degrees of self-loathing.

WRENCH tells the story of a weathered, mid-life-crisis-aged private eye, Harvey Stubbs.

Jesus, I must have guzzled down a drink for every color there was in the rainbow; only wish I'd stopped at Creme de Menthe for green.

Like any good cozy, it's a mystery that unravels from the opening pages and keeps you guessing chapter after chapter (I tend not to synopsize mysteries, if you happen to be new here). For those of you who enjoyed last year's Needle Award winner, ISN'T THAT BIGAMY? by Mike Vogel, you will be the perfect audience for the page-turner.

I was glad to see somebody else was occupying my preferred stool as I wedged my way up to the bar. Nostalgia for your old routines won't cut it if you're trying to set a new stage in your life.

A simply marvelous book. Loved every word. Grab it on Amazon for $15 and change.

From ForeWord to the IPPYs

2006-10-19T07:36:00.000-04:00

Received a great email from Jim Barnes, the Managing Editor and Awards Coordinator for Independent Publisher Online/Jenkins Group Inc. The Independent Publisher Book Awards (or IPPYs) are yet another classy/prestigious award for books coming from independent publishers (just like ForeWord). Jim got in contact after I ran the blog entry about the increase in POD presence at the ForeWord awards and he had this to write:

I run the Independent Publisher Book Awards and we also received a lot of POD entries in last year's 10th Annual IPPY Awards. We don't name as many semi-finalists as ForeWord - 464 total for our 60 national, 20 regional, and 10 outstanding book of the year categories - and a total of 11 titles from the major POD houses got awards (down a bit from the previous year). There were 3 category winners, all Fiction titles, one each from iUniverse, AuthorHouse and BookSurge. Complete results at http://www.independentpublisher.com/awardwinners.php

This year, one month into entries, out of 155 titles we have 12 iUniverse entries (8 entered by iUniverse from their Star program); 6 BookSurge, and one each from Xlibris, PublishAmerica, Hard Shell and Books on Demand.

My message to POD authors is a typical one: don't scrimp on cover design, layout, and editing. The competition is very tough and gets tougher every year. It should look like it belongs on the shelf at Borders, and customers should be drawn to it and want to pick it up. And when they do, by all means make sure the first few pages are perfect - a typo or awkward language on page one is the kiss of death. You MUST impress the reader immediately.

This month we're running an article, Independent Authors and Publishers Unite! about a call to organize a clearinghouse for reviews and promotion that POD and self-published have so much trouble getting from corporate media today.

Sage advice and great insider info! And you have to remember, getting awards for your POD title is what will make it stand out (second only to enormous sales) with a traditional publisher.

__________________________

And remember Macmillan's New Writing program? (Brief summary: open to debut novelists, no agent needed, no advance given, little to no publicity given; essentially the same as PublishAmerica except . . . well, Macmillan is not PublishAmerica, if you catch my drift). Here is an update for the past year (they just released book number 12). Was it a success? For Macmillan, the jury is out. For authors, they had 5,000 submissions and published 12 novels. Same as it ever was.

Not sure about the content, but the covers are a real mixed bag. Some look undeniably professional, while others look undeniably PublishAmericaesque.

__________________________

And by the way, I love this editor.

Memoirists of the world unite and take over.

2006-10-18T11:37:00.000-04:00

I always feel a little happier (yet curiously melancholy) when I can reference the Smiths and the literary world in the same sentence.

Anyway.

Where James Frey was getting pounded for being too loose with the facts, it seems poor Augusten Burroughs is getting pounded for being too honest. What a (literary) world we live in.

I feel bad for all those future memoirists out there. Unless you're an attorney, how do you make sense of it all?

Stop the POD presses!

2006-10-18T08:35:00.000-04:00

Are you a crime novelist? Well, here is a contest (a real one, unlike the Sobol nonsense) that can get you a direct book deal with Regan Books (that’s HarperCollins for those of you new to the scene).

Court TV is hosting the “Next Great Crime Writer Contest”, where not only are the judges accomplished writers (i.e. Lisa Scottoline) but also Judith Regan herself.

Best of all, the public is going to help determine winners by voting on the site. So no more complaining about the publishing industry snubbing you.

And what do you know: It’s free.

This is a must see if you are an aspiring crime writer.

_________________________

Also - thanks for the hammering on my posting of "Lulu, an embarrassing zero" regarding the ForeWord Book of the Year Awards. I did overlook the fact that many (if not most) Lulu authors use their own "imprint" to publish their books. And now I have been notified that at least two Lulu books listed were finalists under different publisher names. So it just goes to show that, as always, Lulu produces some fine books (as I have mentioned so many times previously).

_________________________

Also, Publishers Weekly reports that Lightning Source (where the far majority of POD titles are printed) is installing 15 new Oce presses, which will improve capacity up to 3 million books monthly. Speeding things up is much needed!

In addition, PW has a little talk back feature going about the "Value of POD"--and we all know where this is going. Though, surprisingly, there has been a lot of positive feedback so far.

Nail. Head. Hit upon.

2006-10-16T07:38:00.000-04:00

Bryan Appleyard writes. You should read.

It's just *sniff* beautiful.

ForeWord marching.

2006-10-13T07:28:00.000-04:00

As if this blog hasn't convinced you that there are oodles of great reading in the sea of POD titles, then I . . . would . . .

What's so funny?

Okay, maybe not oodles. Let's say one oodle. There is one oodle of great reading in the sea of POD titles. Let me check Wiki real quick.

Yes, one oodle means 58. There are exactly 58 instances of great reading in the sea of POD titles. And I found them all.

But there may be more. I'm sure there are more. The real sign that much good writing has been overlooked by New York is the increase in POD published titles winning awards (and being finalists) in the ForeWord Book of the Year Awards. (All this chatter about Nobels and NBAs and such got me thinking). This is not some goofy award given out to just POD books (like, ahem, mine). The ForeWord Book Awards are handed out to independent publishers. Who does that include (besides iUniverse and the like)? Oxford University Press, McSweeneys, Rizzoli, Llewellyn, Other Press, Marlowe, Pelican Press, Howard, as well as a slew of university presses. My point? A lot of POD titles wiggled there way in considering they are battling full blown publishers for the same spots--and the PODers don't get the benefit of editing, cover design, and so on.

A few of my picks have shown up there as well, including Nicole Hunter's WAITING FOR THE WORLD TO END, Carol Hoenig's WITHOUT GRACE, and Faye Freimuth's A MULTITUDE OF MERCIES. But this year (the 2005 awards) has a surprising number of self-published/POD books.

So what POD companies are producing the most (read: what POD companies did the majority of winners and finalists use to print their books)?

iUniverse: a stunning 19 (including seven medal winners)
Authorhouse: 10 (including two medal winners)
Xlibris: 3
Aventine: 2 (including one medal winner)
PublishAmerica: 2
Lulu: Hard to tell, because so many authors self-publish via Lulu using their own personalized "imprint" and whatnot. Though at least two instances are present.

So that's 36 titles out of 613 winners and finalists (not including any POD presses I didn't recognize)--or in other words, 6% of the titles. Now, as much as you might hate POD (we all have our moments), you have to admit: Where would all of these great books be without POD? Buried forever.

You can read the entire list of winners and finalists here.

All the good stuff is (still) someplace else.

2006-10-11T08:13:00.000-04:00

Even more . . .

(6) Naomi Hirahara interviews Sue Ann Jaffarian, where she discusses her transition from POD (iUniverse) to getting a commercial deal (Midnight Ink). You get a good feel for her experiences with POD and her reasons for going down that dark alley in the first place.

(7) Daniel Scott Buck (author of POD-dy pick THE GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH) has a thought-provoking post over at the riotlit blog, a Frey vs. Lauck discourse with high entertainment value.

(8) Lastly, have some fun checking out PublishAmerica's twisted statistics. You can pretty much make everything sound good if you wrap numbers around it. For example:

"FACT #2: Each day, an average 125 new authors who are looking to find a book publishing company ask us to publish their book, more than 30,000 per year, an absolute record in the industry." You've got be kidding. Random House probably gets 125 requests a day from agents. Never mind the stuff falling over the transom. Sorry, PA. Not only is this nowhere near a record, it's not even in the ballpark.

Now, here's a real telling piece of info. Go back to FACT #1 and read: "PublishAmerica counts nearly 20,000 happy authors. Each day, an average 10 of them ask us to also accept their next work . . . ." Okay, so let's assume they sign 100 of the 125 aforementioned authors who come knocking on their door each day (we all know it's 125, though). This means only one out of ten PA authors wants them to publish their next book. What does that tell you? You think Simon & Schuster has that kind of retention problem?

"Bookstores appreciate that thousands of our titles are returnable." Because they usually get returned.

"All authors are treated equally here." That is, ignored.

"We assign a graphic designer who comes up with a unique cover design." And they must be prolific, coming up with about four covers a day.

And perhaps most inane: "FACT #9: Does the use of the digital on-demand printing technology make a publisher a POD house? No, it does not. Of course not. According to www.acronymfinder.com, there are 57 different meanings for POD, from Post Office Department to Point Of Departure to Proof Of Delivery. In our world, POD is vanity publishing, and PublishAmerica is no vanity publisher, by any stretch of the imagination." What, exactly, does that make them?

All the good stuff is someplace else.

2006-10-10T12:01:00.000-04:00

Check out these fun POD/Publishing tidbits for some good reading:

(1) Xerox has found yet another way to make the point that you "can't do this without POD technology" with their new offering of customized Teacher's Edition books. This is the kind of thing (not the publishing of countless bundles of inferior fiction and memoirs) that can/will reshape the publishing industry.

(2) Check out this new blog by an anonymous PublishAmerica author. It has some worthy insights. Best of all, the first post is an open letter to PA and starts with this: "You don’t know me, but I published my first book through your company in April of 2005."

(3) Romance writers and readers are getting picked on. Again.

(4) A very new and cool blog is out and about in the land of literary anonymity: The Rejecter. He/She works as an assistant literary agent and offers advice on how to get past the first line of rejections. In the vein of Kristin Nelson's blog and Miss Snark, there is some great info and advice here.

(5) PubGuy has a cool little interview with Susanne Severeid (author of the POD-dy pick, THE DEATH OF MILLY MAHONEY) and her subsequent landing of an agent.

I've become an editor.

2006-10-09T06:59:00.000-04:00

Not really. Please don't start sending your unpublished manuscripts my way because you think I'm acquiring for HarperCollins or some such nonsense.

What I mean to say is, I feel like an editor.

I have not edited anyone's manuscript, but there have been so many (more than usual lately) that are incredibly close to perfect, but they are missing that tight editing to make it truly a joy to read. I try to give it the benefit of the doubt as long as possible, but eventually I just can't take it any longer and close the book (a.k.a. delete the file).

But perhaps I have become most like an editor in this way: I am always looking for a reason to dislike a book. I have such a backlog of reading that it is easier to pass on them than to struggle through and look for the gleam of possibility. Granted, I usually don't have to try hard; the crappy ones stick out like a cold sore on a sunny day. Of course, that means the books I ultimately select are the absolute best, and the ones where I am thirty pages in and still engrossed usually go all the way and end up getting reviewed (though there is a recent exception from three weeks ago where the novel really went down the drain in the final 25 pages--a classic case of I-don't-know-how-to-end-this syndrome).

So, while I hope to impart my wisdom on the legions of writers and readers everywhere, perhaps I have been taught a bit of a lesson as well: no matter how much you think there might be a short cut to good writing (either on the production end or the consumption end) there isn't one, just like there is no short cut to success in writing. This is a long journey for everyone, including me. All we can ask in the end is that we have something to show for it.

What have they done for you lately?

2006-10-06T07:58:00.000-04:00

If you're looking for a good read this weekend, I would (of course) recommend any of the picks to the right. However, if you were a big fan of the Needle Award Finalists last year, here a few new tidbits for you to buy and devour over the coming holiday weekend (yes, some of us still get Columbus Day off).

Jeremy Robinson, author of the ultra-compelling DIDYMUS CONTINGENCY, has released his next novel under his own imprint (he is publishing selected works by other authors as well). His new book, RAISING THE PAST, is already off to selling in similar hotcake-fashion to his debut title. The man is one creative dude.

Jeremy Robert Johnson (not be confused with the aforementioned Jeremy Robinson), author of the mind-blowing, literary-horror masterpiece, ANGEL DUST APOCALYPSE has two new treats out and about in the marketplace worth reading. Both SIREN PROMISED and EXTINCTION JOURNALS (each under $10) were released a few months ago and have further cemented the opinion of readers everywhere that JRJ is a writer to be watched.

Both authors have landed top notch agents, by the way, for all you drooling book-peddlers out there.

And don't forget to check out Todd Noker's new and improved (Star version) RATED F, a book that still tickles my funny bone to this day, even though it was one of the first books selected here at POD-dy Mouth Industries.

Lastly, if you feel like getting out of the house--and looking to grab a signed copy of one of my recommendations--N. Frank Daniels is wrapping up his book tour of FUTUREPROOF. So if you happen to be in New York, Philadelphia, or Richmond, give him a visit--and get a copy of what will ultimately be a cult favorite:

Friday, 10/06/2006 08:30 PM - N. Frank Daniels, Tony O'Neill, Jolene Siana @ the KGB Bar 85 West 4th St., New York, NY 10003

Saturday, 10/07/2006 07:00 PM - N. Frank Daniels @ Wooden Shoe Books 508 South 5th St., Philadelphia, PA 19147

Sunday, 10/08/2006 04:00 PM - N. Frank Daniels @ Chop Suey Books 1317 W. Cary St., Richmond, VA 23220

Well, that should you keep you busy through the holiday. If not, stop by for more hidden treasure next week!

Will Clarke, former PODer, makes Rolling Stone's Hot List

2006-10-05T08:19:00.000-04:00

In case you think self-publishing is a total waste of time (which it is if your manuscript sucks), think again. Where would Will Clarke be today without POD? Hanging out in Dallas with some awesome manuscripts sitting in his desk drawer. And he certainly wouldn't be here -- making Rolling Stone's 20th Annual Hot List.

Click on the image to read it all.

Okay, now go buy LORD VISHNU'S LOVE HANDLES and THE WORTHY, both of which have been optioned for major motion pictures.

The Rolling Stone article starts, "America's latest cult comic novelist is Will Clarke...."

What more could an author ask for?

Dexter . . . and then some.

2006-10-03T13:12:00.000-04:00

I am not one to put watching television over reading. In fact, I rarely watch television unless I am sick or hung-over. However . . . if you read Jeff Lindsay's DARKLY DREAMING DEXTER (or even if you didn't) you have got to check out DEXTER on Showtime.

Not only is the show (at least the premiere episode) true to the book, but the filming is literary in nature, almost akin to an independent film; CSI this is not. There hasn't been a serial killer this lovable (and creepy) since Hannibal Lecter, and Dexter's a hell of a lot better looking than Hannibal. No matter how hard you try, you can't help routing for him. He really can't kill enough for my taste. Check it out and see what I mean.

Well worth investigating, and a must for those who were gripped by the book. I chose to try the first few minutes and see what I thought. I didn't get up until the credits.

DIGGING TO INDOCHINA by Connie Biewald (iUniverse)

2006-09-29T06:14:00.000-04:00

Connie Biewald's novel is comprised of literary favorites: a teenage girl suffering from the loss of her father (a Vietnam veteran who did not die in the war but by accidental means after returning home), the overwhelming ennui of small town life, a family that has seemed to alienate her, and a restless desire for love and contentment.

Where these items lead, however, is the real enjoyment of this book.

You'll be only a few pages into DIGGING TO INDOCHINA before you sit back in your La-Z-Boy and cozy up for a long night of reading. And you'll read even less before admitting that Connie Biewald is a wordsmith. She manages to grasp complex points and deliver them with deft accuracy:

All the old photos showed happy people. The only record of the raging fights between their parents was the mutable one of memory. Ivy and Bryan carried their own versions of those short years as a family of four, more distinct than mere variations on a recipe, more like the difference between chocolate and vanilla.

The story, ultimately, is of the aforementioned Ivy, a seventeen-year-old girl in search of the love missing from her crumbling family, how she finds it in a guy named Gil Thompson, a man who goes from lover to abuser, and Ivy's return home, pregnant and disintegrating.

Sounds like a downer, I know--but so does THE LOVELY BONES until you get to the core of what is going on. The book is absolutely worth a read, if for no other reason than the delightful writing. If you've had your fill of cookie-cutter thrillers, take a break and read something that will make you think; I'll bet, just like me, the characters will still be inside your head several days later.

Just superb stuff! Perfect for fans of Alice Sebold and Anne Tyler.

And, as luck would have it, iUniverse added it to their Star collection. Which means it's cheap. You can get it on Amazon for $10.17, which is less than the price of a pizza. Why not feast on some words for a change?

One small step and one giant leap all at once.

2006-09-28T15:14:00.000-04:00

Publishers Lunch has a great link to a Lulu release:

Lulu.com has worked out a deal with Bowker to give self-publishers who use their service individual ISBNs that are particular to the authors themselves (without having to buy numbers in blocks of ten). Lulu says they are adding 2,000 new titles every week. Yes, every week.

Ultimately, this is really putting power in the hands of self-pubbers. Check out Lulu's release.

Is the publishing industry becoming like network television?

2006-09-28T08:59:00.000-04:00

MJ Rose has a fantastic post today about how the publishing industry (needing to keep up with what is going on and the pressure to perform and produce) is starting weigh down on its authors.

It's interesting because I remember many of my writer friends criticizing John Grisham (not to his face, of course) for writing A PAINTED HOUSE a few years ago, and that he should stick to his what he does best. And I remember thinking at the time that John Grisham must get sick of writing about courtrooms and crooked prosecutors and dead judges and probably wanted to try something new. Granted, John got the chance because of who he is--but he managed to write a decent book. And I think most people would consider it a literary work. Same for Stephen King, whose books far less resemble horror than they do the internal machinations of the human mind--and I don't mean telekinesis or the ability to start random incendiary events with mental focus, but things like grief and sorrow and regret. Granted, Mr. King's transition was much slower, more subtle--but it is there nonetheless.

But what if you are a proven author (with sales) who wants to branch out? Does the publishing industry really foster creativity and experimentation? Almost never. It wants stability and sales. And anything that might push it in the other direction is quashed. So now we have talented authors (as proven with MJ's post) burning out because it is no longer about writing; it's about product.

If you are an aspiring writer on the cusp of a book deal, enjoy these days. Those moments you wrote your novel or memoir in some dimly lit corner of your house at the oddest times will be the most romantic memories you'll have of creating your art.

A MULTITUDE OF MERCIES by Fay Freimuth (iUniverse)

2006-09-22T07:24:00.000-04:00

I found this book in the strangest of ways, or should I say it found me? This is a story I've been looking forward to telling.

While flying back home from my much-needed Labor Day vacation, I'm seated next to a chatty gal about my age and weight, married, two children, new job (and a whole host of other information that you [and I] have no interest in.) Finally, after two hours (two hours!) of her talking about herself, she decides to finally inhale. Then she asks, "So, what do you do?"

The plane lands.

By instinct, I want to respond with a brief diatribe about my day job: the tedium, the motionless moments, the necessary paycheck for living in the bloated Washington DC housing market. Then I realize the potential of this moment: I'm a writer (damn it!) and I'm going to sell my book to this chatmonster and have her endlessly buzzing (her modus operandi) my books to her friends and family.

I get this much out: "I'm a writer, a novelist."

She sucks in that deep breath with a wheeze and slaps me on the knee and says, "Oh, I have a book you've got to read. It is just fabulous! I just finished it and it just (sits back, puts hand to her chest, closes eyes) moved me.

I want to move her right out my window and onto the searing tarmac.

She unbuckles her seatbelt, grabs her bag, reaches past a mostly empty bag of cheesepuffs and pulls out an artificial-cheese-encrusted novel and drops it in my lap and walks down the aisle and out of my life.

My first thought was how I would be able to shove that book into one of those little airplane toilets.

But alas, as I sat on the plane virtually alone (for a layover), boredom turned to curiosity and I brushed the orange film away and noticed a familiar logo on the spine of the book; it was published by iUniverse.

Serendipity.

A MULTITUDE OF MERCIES by Fay Freimuth, with a paperback price tag of $18. It was like a little overpriced slice of home.

And what can I say . . . it moved me, too.

The only flaw with this entire book is that the logo on the spine shouldn't be for iU as much as it should be for Knopf or Viking or Little, Brown.

Ms. Freimuth writes a superb and stunning (and biographical?) story of how the protagonist and her family come to terms with her sister's sudden-onset schizophrenia. Sounds depressing, but it's not. It's an uplifting story, at times invariably humorous and always deftly written. The book possesses everything the New York publishers love: despair, hope, emotional familial love. And while the story is something that would reach a varied readership (even more than THE MEMORY KEEPER'S DAUGHTER has), it urges you to continue reading no matter what your taste. The novel is compelling, but even if you have no interest in a story about a person with mental disease, the writing is so beautiful you have no choice but to read on.

Here's the opener:

"There's a difference 'tween being sick in your body and being sick in your head," Grandma explained to Mama as they sat on the porch. "You tell someone you've got a cold, they say they hope you get better. You tell someone you've got diabetes, they feel sorry for you. You tell someone you're a schizophrenic with serious paranoid tendencies, they scoot their chair farther away." She studied her stitches, then continued, "What can they say anyway? Sorry you're crazy? They can't say, 'Oh, it's been goin' around. Had that myself last week.' They don't tell you about their aunt Verna. The one they all suspected lost her marbles when she started setting out the fine china for her cats and took up smoking a pipe and singing "Swing Low" 'stead of saying her prayers at supper. Aunt Verna's the one people just don't talk about to outsiders. Sure they send a pie once in a while, or a card, or come in just for a second, leaving the kids in the car to make sure the visit will be short."

You immediately grasp the tone of the novel. From here it is a page-turning onslaught that will result in you burning dinner and holding your bladder until the very last possible moment. And Ms. Freimuth doesn't do this through trickery or thrilleresque manhandling. She does it the old fashioned way, through great writing. Oprah would dig this novel, big time. It's right up her alley, assuming she could get over the Frey thing. (What did she expect from a guy who wrote this?)

So, what can I say? My cheese-puff-loving neighbor tipped me off to one fantastic read--though I was annoyed she didn't get to hear the sales pitch for my novels. I really believed she was the kind of person who would grab on to a book she liked and get it in the hands of the nearest person.

What do you know; she was.

Buy it on Amazon. Ignore the price and indulge.

Check this out. It's a riot.

2006-09-20T09:29:00.000-04:00

In fact, it is Riot Lit.

What is it, exactly? It's a collective of writers, both commercially published and self-published, who have joined forces to make a simple point: It's all about the writing. These are authors of important books and definitive styles, with varying backgrounds, who have come together from the fringe (as it were) to shed light on some great writing, on works that fall between the immense cracks in the publishing industry. I, as a writer, was fortunate to find an editor and publisher who were willing to label my books in a way that are bookstore friendly. But what about all those books that aren't? Well, unless you're new here, you already know that the POD/self-pub world is picking up the slack--and sadly, most are going unnoticed.

Riot Lit is the closest thing (finally!) to "indie lit" I have ever seen, and the coolest band of writers to come along since the Memoirists Collective. Indie rock is considered so cool and hip that some folks (including some friends of mine) won't buy anything produced by major labels anymore. Why should literature be any different? (I know--a heap of horribly-written self-published books is why.) My point (and what I've been trying to prove for a year and a half now) is that indie lit does exist; it's just wicked-hard to find.

Well, Riot Lit is changing their little corner of the literary world, and absolutely worth checking out. Even if you are not into the types of material listed on the site, it's worth perusing for no other reason than it's one of the coolest websites I've seen.

But most of all (and I swear on my grandmother's grave this is merely coincidence) no less than three authors of books I have selected are part of the collective (Jeremy Robert Johnson, N. Frank Daniels, and the newly-inducted Daniel Scott Buck.)

But hey, this post is not merely a plug for their collective. I'm putting my money where my mouth is; I just ordered a copy of Brad Listi's ATTENTION. DEFICIT. DISORDER. and pre-ordered a copy of Kate Holden's IN MY SKIN.

So there.

Another angle on Sobol

2006-09-19T13:36:00.000-04:00

Everyone is getting hung up on the money issue of the Sobol Award--which they should, since Sobol stands to make up to $4.2 million on this bogus venture.

But let's look at another side of this. Let's say they actually got 50,000 entries. How on earth are they going to judge all of them? I saw one poor soul on the Publishers Weekly comment board justifying the $85 because she will "get her manuscript read" by so-called professionals.

Uh, I don't think so.

If they actually look at every submission, which is highly doubtful, how much of any given manuscript can they really read? Let's say they get 50,000 entries. And let's say they get 50 judges (in reality, probably 1/10th of that). That's 1,000 manuscripts apiece. Let's say they read ten pages of every manuscript, including the winner. That's 10,000 pages, or approximately 40 full length books.

Get real. No one has that kind of spare time. This is why agents and editors have other people vetting for them. And if they actually read every page of every manuscript? Yeah - an extra 1,000 novels this year, or three a day, every day, including holidays. That's realistic.

This is the most bogus thing to have come along since James Frey's attempt at a memoir. In the words of Stephen P. Hull (publisher for the excellent Justin, Charles & Co.) from the PW discussion board: ". . . it's an agency representation scam that is a purely profit-making venture."

I hope they get 10 entries and are forced to pay out the six figures anyway.

THE GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH by Daniel Scott Buck (iUniverse)

2006-09-15T09:10:00.000-04:00

I finished Daniel Scott Buck's novel while on vacation. Let me rephrase: His was the only book I finished on vacation. I went with 103 (digital) and came back with one (to review). And what a winner it is.

However, and is typically the case when you are out of the contact with the world, Michael Allen, the Grumpy Old Bookman, beat me to the punch and reviewed this treat first (and makes a good many of the points I would have made here, though his are probably better written.)

Well, you know what? This tight little book is so good it deserves two raving endorsements.

THE GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH is a postmodern satire, a dark and devilish look into, among other things, reality television. And no, it is not a rambling jaunt into a behind-the-scenes expose of Survivor, but a compelling story about manipulation, confusion, and fame.

The writing here is wonderful, and I had to keep reminding myself that this was a self-published book. Very well-edited and clean as a whistle. And the prose is just marvelous:

The beginning of a tantrum appears of Meme's face. She sounds out each breath to get my attention. I swear she thinks her cryptic fits are a phenomenon not to be missed, like comets or shooting stars.

The novel is comedic, I suppose, but do not underestimate the power of its dark side. And most of all, pay attention; there is a lesson to be learned here that most authors would not take the time (nor have the skill) to deliver. Books like this simply do not get written much anymore (and never published) and it is quite a shame, because upon having finished SHOW, I realized what we are all missing.

Highly recommended. And at $11.95, it's a super deal.

Sobol reams the hopeful

2006-09-14T10:24:00.000-04:00

Since a lot of unpublished writers stop by, and at the suggestion of Jessica Keener via Backspace, I wanted to shed some light on (or take light away from) the (bogus) Sobol contest for unpublished manuscripts.

The article on Yahoo is here, but don't get excited. As always, anything that looks too good to be true usually is.

For starters, you have to pay $85 to enter. Secondly, they are capping the contest at 50,000 entries, a number they suggest they want to hit (which further suggests 4.2 million in revenue--a huge, blinking light on the scam-o-meter.) Thirdly, it may seem great that they are giving $100,000 to the winner--but, then again, with 4.2 mil' sitting around, what's a hundred grand? And lastly, please do not confuse the Sobol agency (who will "shop the winner" to publishers) with Nat Sobel of Sobel Weber Associates, an agent who happens to be on top of the game.

Some pieces of the article:

Shomron [the organizer] himself had to shop a novel, "NETfold," which he ended up self-publishing, making it ineligible for a Sobol prize.

What a shock. Smells and tastes just like the morons from PublishAmerica.

The award was created by Sobol Literary Enterprises, a for-profit venture started by technology entrepreneur Gur Shomron, as "a venue to discover talented, unknown fiction writers and help them get the recognition they deserve."

Blah, blah, blah. All you need to notice from that drivel is the term for profit.

Sobol officials include Roger Riger, a vice president at Barnes & Noble Inc.; Greg Tobin, a former editor-in-chief of Ballantine Books and author of several religious works, including "The Wisdom of St. Patrick" and "Saints and Sinners"; and Neil Baldwin, former executive director of the National Book Foundation and author of biographies of Thomas Edison, Henry Ford and others.

Really? Well, then I've just lost all respect for B&N, Ballantine, and the NBF, who are all clearly getting paid to vet these manuscripts. Art used to be about freedom (not only of expression, but cost) and it seems that now that the publishing industry has a chokehold on creativity by having to answer to stockholders, they figure they might as well go after the unpublished writers as well.

How absolutely pathetic. The only saving grace is that writers from Maryland, Vermont, Arizona, and North Dakota are prohibited from entering. Here's to Sobol getting no more than a dozen entries.

So you wanna be an editor? (Yeah, me neither.)

2006-09-12T14:36:00.000-04:00

It's much easier to let someone else do the hard part.

But in case you are wondering why it takes so long to hear from editors (assuming you have an agent) then this might help:

Publishers Marketplace recently posted two job openings for editors, one at Penguin Putnam and one at Random House. If you ever wondered what it is an editor does all day, the job description (for a Senior Editor position) covers a good portion of it (editors do a lot more than this):

Razorbill is looking for someone who will:

1. Act as the acknowledged ‘go to' editor for all the biggest YA titles on submission

2. Acquire and edit approximately 10-15 original titles a year, as well as oversee additional paperback reprints of hardcovers from previous Razorbill lists

3. Help strategize with Publisher to make each new Razorbill list commercial, high quality and appropriately placed in the marketplace

4. Formulate campaigns for lead books and know the market

5. Present titles at launch meetings for sales and marketing

6. Communicate, brainstorm and regularly liaise with sales and marketing teams on best publishing strategies for upcoming titles; liaise between marketing/publicity and authors; attend regular sales/marketing imprint focus meetings and is accountable for results from those meetings

7. Build strong relationships between Razorbill and agents and authors; search for new authors

8. Attend conferences a few times a year as a direct representative of Razorbill (ALA), and attend writers' conferences external to the company such as SCBWI events, to look for authors and connect with agents

9. Mentor editorial staff

10. Create TI's and catalog copy for books; generate jacket and cover copy

Please apply to join Razorbill if you have:

• At least 7 years' relevant experience including experience editing middle grade and teen or adult fiction

• Excellent written and oral communication skills

• Strong contacts in the adult and young adult industries

• Excellent interpersonal skills

• Proficiency with Microsoft Word

• Ability to travel up to 5 times per year via airplane, train and/or automobile a plus

Ooh, probably had most of you until the seven years of experience came in, eh?

So this editor is responsible for approximately 25% of the imprints titles. Geez, that's low stress, huh?

Now, over at Random House they have a position open for an Associate Editor (much further down on the food chain) which requires much less:

Your tasks:

Morgan Road Books, a division of Doubleday Broadway, seeks an Associate Editor. Responsible for heavy developmental and line editing of books (non-fiction) acquired by Morgan Road. Manage production of interior as well as jacket schedules. Major contributions expected to TIs, checking and writing copy, managing author and agent relationships. Evaluating and taking over submissions as well as some agent relationships.

Our requirements:

Strong background in how-to as well as general non-fiction, three to five years of editorial experience necessary. Need editing and writing samples.

Required skills:

- Do you have a Bachelor's Degree?

- Willing to relocate for this job at your own expense?

- Do you have any prior office experience?

- Do you have at least 2 years of editorial experience?

See that? You need to have editorial experience and the ability to relocate yourself at no cost to that massive German conglomerate. How could you resist?

All for lousy pay and lousy hours. Next time you see an editor on the street or in a bar, give her a hug (and please, for the love of stones, leave your manuscript in your trunk.)

Lastly, Kensington has an opening for an Editorial Assistant (this is the bottom of the food chain) and you probably qualify instantly. In fact, any writer who has received several dozen rejection letters (we all have) could probably deftly craft some new ones for good ol' Kensington. The post:

Editor-in-Chief of midsize commercial trade publisher seeks editorial assistant. Looking for a self-motivated, high-energy beginner with a strong interest in commercial fiction. Job responsibilities consist of providing administrative support and reading manuscripts, drafting reject letters, and contacting agents and authors. Qualifications include a bachelor's degree and proficiency in MS Word and Excel.

Sure, send those resumes out now. Then start trying to figure out how to live in Manhattan on $30K a year.

Oh, here's one more crumb . . .

2006-09-07T12:01:00.000-04:00

. . . to add to the snack below. You can check out a brief interview with yours truly over at Bloggasm.

Read it, baby.

A low-fat snack

2006-09-07T07:41:00.000-04:00

Yes, I am still on vacation. And no, I am still not checking my mail. I'm sure I've won at least 27 foreign lotteries, but they'll just have to wait until I return.

In the meantime, I wanted to pass on a few juicy morsels for you to chomp on:

Over at the Publishing Contrarian, there is a super post about what makes a book take off (the hook) and why THE MEMORY KEEPER'S DAUGHTER has done so well. A good read for all self-pubbing (and commercially pubbing!) authors.

And PubGuy (Dan from iUniverse) has an interesting interview with Brian Wiprud you should check out. Wiprud originally published with iUniverse (and Xlibris before that!) before landing a sweet deal with Bantam/Dell. Feel bad about being rejected from the folks in NY? Brian had 660 rejections for six novels before he finally signed a contract.

Also, N. Frank Daniels, author of the mind-blowing FUTUREPROOF, is self-financing his fall book tour by selling a ton of cool items on Ebay. Check it out and buy something (it's good stuff, seriously--like a signed, hardcover copy of SACRAMENT (You Shall Know Our Velocity) by Dave Eggers and a signed copy of THE PORTABLE HENRY ROLLINS.) What better way to help out an indie author and get something cool out of it. Check out his items for auction.

Over at Lee Goldberg's blog, he gives the details from his latest iUniverse royalty statement for a few books that had been previously published (thus using iUniverse's Back in Print program for free. )

And lastly and certainly not least--and certainly not POD-related--Lauren Baratz-Logsted has not one, not two, but three books being released this month. All should be purchased and read:

(1) Lauren edited (and contributed to) THIS IS CHICK-LIT, a book of short-stories in direct response to the condescending and foolish THIS IS NOT CHICK LIT released last year by Random House. Check it out on Amazon and preview it. This is super stuff.

(2) HOW NANCY DREW SAVED MY LIFE has just been released by Red Dress Ink, a catchy, clever little Chick Lit diddy that will appeal to all of us with 20 or 30 Nancy Drew books tucked away from our childhood.

(3) VERTIGO, a turn-of-the-century (nineteenth, that is) erotic suspense-filled novel, will be released by Delta (Bantam) on September 26th.

There is a little something here for everyone. And if all else fails, start your holiday shopping now!

For the holiday . . .

2006-08-31T07:54:00.000-04:00

. . . I am taking a break, sort of.

I plan to be hanging out with family and friends. And what will I be doing while sitting by the pool? (or stuck inside from Ernesto's deluge?) Reading PODs, baby. Well, and some commercially published stuff too. A girl can't live on PODs alone.

Believe me.

And speaking of a deluge, thanks for the extra 105 PODs I've gotten since Monday's post.

One fun little piece to check out is over at BookFinder which lists the top out-of-print titles folks have been searching for on their site. Looks like Sinclair Lewis and GoreVidal need a little POD lovin'!

Have a great holiday and I'll see you back here in September!

The official submission post.

2006-08-28T07:12:00.000-04:00

**As of February 1, 2007, I am not accepting submissions until further notice **

No, not that kind of submission, you perv.

I've been getting oodles of questions about what I will consider, how I respond, where to send and all that. So here you go. If you send your book to me and it doesn't meet these guidelines, well . . . you can guess what will happen to it.

What will I consider?

Well, I try to be open to almost anything. But I'm not. So . . . no science fiction, no poetry, no porn (or erotica), no fantasy, no cookbooks. Do I like those genres? Sure, but I am not a good judge of them, so they are excluded. Most nonfiction will be considered, but I prefer memoir and narrative nonfiction.

How do I submit my book?

Send a digital copy to this email address: girlondemand@yahoo.com. Do not ask for a physical address. You will not get one. If you only have a hard copy, well . . . I guess you didn't go POD, now, did you. And don't forget to include some sort of informal (or formal) description in the body of your email. Don't say, "Read this. You'll love it." Because I won't. And I won't.

When will I hear back from you?

You will not --unless I am reviewing/selecting your book. Typically, I review one in about 180 books. If you don't hear from me in the 2 -3 month range, I probably passed. No need to send a follow-up email; those get deleted quickly. If I responded to every book that was submitted, I'd need two full-time secretaries to keep up.

Will you give me feedback on my book even if you don't review it?

Hold on, let me catch my breath from this tear-inducing laughter.

Okay, let's give this a try. I'm hoping this will streamline things. I am about 500 emails behind and get about 350 a day, so . . . it can only help.

Talk about exposure for a PODer!

2006-08-24T07:30:00.000-04:00

Not much more you could ask for exposure-wise than a five page spread (that's five web pages, mind you) in the Washington Post.

Mark Opsasnick, author of the recently released The Lizard King Was Here: The Life and Times of Jim Morrison in Alexandria, Virginia, is enjoying some free publicity today.

Check out the full article.

I learned a few things from reading the article (besides the background of the book): (1) It turns out people really are still using Xlibris, (2) It turns out Xlibris really is still charging $21 for a paperback under 300 pages, and (3) Xlibris apparently hasn't hired any new artists for their book covers (is that supposed to be Jim Morrison?)

But best of all (and especially for Mr. Opsasnick) he's sold 7,500 copies of all of his (6) self-published books. Not too shabby at all.

Bummer is the article is buried in the Metro section instead of the Book section. But still . . .

If Literary Agents were like Real Estate Agents

2006-08-21T07:30:00.000-04:00

My agent and I finished one pitcher of margaritas in the New York summer sun. This is the result of our sloshy silliness. At least, this is what I could decipher from the scribblings on our cocktail napkins.

If you called ten agents and said you had something you wanted them to sell, you'd get ten returned calls. Within the hour.
After reading a 95-page booklet and taking an exam, a person would be fully qualified to be a successful literary agent.
Writer's Digest would consist of 26 volumes--at 1,300 pages apiece.
New York editors would be inundated with approximately 9,890% more crap submissions than their current load of crap submissions.
Literary agents would don silly slogans, like Sell it quick? Call McCormick! or You can bank on Bankoff or Nesbit knows Nonfiction or Call Denise "Six Figure" Shannon today! (We came up with 37 of these; I'll spare you the superfluity).
Instead of every book being "the best book I've read all year", agents would be significantly more honest, with most projects being touted as "needs updating" and "fixer-upper".
Annual conventions would invoke boring day seminars and excessive after hours drinking (no significant change).
Owners would feel the agent was not doing enough to sell the product (no significant change).
Financing would regularly be a problem on the part of the purchaser (no significant change).
The longer the product stays on the market, the less likely it is to sell (no significant change).
The top five percent of all agents would sell 95% of all product (no significant change.)
There would be an entire cable television network dedicated to the writing, editing, producing, and selling of books--including a reality-based show called Rising Editor and a weekly documentary called Flip This P&L.
One word: minivans.
Free glossy magazines would fill countless bins outside coffee shops and subway stations around the country with covers of books inside, many with the term sold overtop the cover--though more likely not.
Production time for a 300 page novel: 7.5 years.
Random House would have call centers to handle incoming traffic the size of Capital One.
Binky Urban's calls would somehow get returned within 45 seconds (no significant change).

Granted, these are probably funnier with the tequila. And a lot of extra salt.

Actually he IS that into you, it's just that . . .

2006-08-17T08:15:00.000-04:00

So many folks have asked (ranted) recently as to why agents read and love their manuscripts, though ultimately send rejections with all the floral gush you'd expect from an excited acceptance. One writer told me she just scans the emails responses from agents for the words "except" and "however" and then deletes them.

Because somewhere in the email is something like this: "I don't think I can sell it."

What you, aspiring writer, are forgetting, is that while an agent may sell (as an example) mysteries and yours is a stellar one, he/she may know that his/her editorial contacts will not go for your particular mystery for some offhand reason. Agents, to varying degrees, sell to the same editors over and over. Examples: Jenny Bent (Trident) sells regularly to Denise Roy (S&S), Dorian Karchmar (William Morris) sells regularly to Claire Wachtel (William Morrow), Elaine Koster sells regularly to Carrie Feron (William Morrow), and so forth. The point is these agents know what these editors want . . . specifically. So if your novel's protagonist happens to be a coke addict and Agent A's contacts aren't much for characters with substance abuse issues, you're out of luck, no matter how deftly written your novel may be.

As always, everything in this industry is a crap shoot. Being at the right place at the right time with the right story. If you happen to have written a great book in the "vein of the Da Vinci Code" . . . well, I wish you the best; that train has already left the station.

Just remember, write the best stuff you can, the stuff that moves you personally. And never take any rejection (or acceptance, for that matter) personally.

And if you've written a great novel that just isn't selling? Well, that's why I'm here.

On topic, if you do not regularly visit Agent Kristin Nelson's blog (then welcome to the planet), you should visit it now. She has been posting query letters that turned into agency representation and deals. You can't pay for that kind of insider knowledge.

Blurb gets it on . . .

2006-08-15T08:22:00.000-04:00

Looks like Blurb got its 12 mil. to move forward with (enhance) its "trademark software that transforms digital content into bookstore-quality books."

Another victory for the DIY publishing generation. Or something.

______________________

Also, the Memoirists Collective announced their winner! The winning manuscript will be read by editors at HarperCollins, Holt, and Hyperion. Sweet.

In the "That's Gotta Hurt" Department . . .

2006-08-11T12:40:00.000-04:00

Poor AuthorHouse.

If you haven't seen this article in Publishers Weekly about AuthorHouse being ordered to pay a quarter million in damages from a defamation lawsuit, you should.

It's rather funny.

At first, you may think, "They are getting what they deserve." Well, you don't know the half of it. Check out this excerpt from the article:

In his 14-page decision, Judge Jeff Goering asserted that AuthorHouse “acted towards the plaintiffs with wanton conduct,” in publishing Paperback Poison, despite the fact that Gary Brock, the book’s author, had informed AuthorHouse during contract negotiations that iUniverse had rejected the manuscript on the grounds of possible libelous content.

I mean, if the author surrendered the knowledge that iUniverse rejected it based on the content, why are they surprised at the outcome of the trial?

And perhaps more importantly, why didn't this happen to PublishAmerica instead? An unjust world, it is.

__________________________

And check out this publicity for 2005 POD-dy pick TORPEDO by Jeff Edwards. Here is a guy who knows how to make his book stand out. Great idea.

Help E.J. Knapp!

2006-08-10T07:29:00.000-04:00

For all you BKSP fans (and everyone else), you should take note of a publishing pro in need. E.J. Knapp, who is affiliated with Backspace, has fallen on some hard times. I know, we're all broke and struggling and hoping they'll come out with some new flavors of ramen noodles--but E.J. is really broke and struggling.

Rather than whine and stick out his hand looking for help, he came up with an ingenious idea: He's asked writers and poets to donate stories and is selling them for $2 apiece via PayPal. It's called 1500 Stories in 20 Days (enough time and cash to get his car back.)

Take a look at the list. It's impressive--and growing. It's a great way to help and to enjoy some great writing. Please check it out.

Entertainment Weekly beats the Golden Needle?

2006-08-09T07:26:00.000-04:00

It must.

In less than one week, three of the five authors of the POD-dy Picks profiled in the Entertainment Weekly piece have been offered representation--by excellent agents, too. Holy cow. And one of the five has been tapped for the movie rights for his book. Holy cow again.

I had no idea so many folks in the publishing industry read Entertainment Weekly. That's major!

Not to mention that (at this moment) all five picks have a better rank on Amazon than my books (rank range is 7,092 to 22,766; my books are at 26,271 and 29,987.)

(Click image for better view.)
_______________

Remember Ian Hocking, author of last year's POD-dy Pick for Deja Vu? He has a dynamite interview with Scott Pack, former Buying Manager for Waterstone's. And Scott has some interesting observations on POD. Check it out.

Spread 'em!

2006-08-08T09:27:00.000-04:00

. . . the pages of Entertainment Weekly, that is.

Yeah, the wonderful folks over at EW did a little box/piece on me--or rather, the books I review and the purpose of my blog. As a result, my five picks for 2006 (the selections so far) ended up getting more publicity than most commercially published novels ever get (my own included) and have seen a surge on Amazon and the like. At one point, the recently reviewed book MISS ALICE MERRIWETHER'S LONG LOST CAKES & FURTHER ARCANE INDUCEMENTS TO WONDER was ranked at 507--not to mention the author was contacted about having the film rights acquired! And three agents were in contact with me about getting in touch with the authors of two of the other books.

You can catch a little snippet here, but you really need to see the print edition to get the full impact (the covers of the books.) It's the issue with LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE on the cover.

Thanks, too, to the folks over at Readerville for spreaing the word.

The golden needle?

2006-08-03T13:15:00.000-04:00

Is the coveted (and overly yawn-inducing) Needle Award golden?

Perhaps.

As of this moment, eight of the ten finalists (and both winners) have representation by some of the finest literary agents in the business (at least six were as a result of the Needle nod). And it looks like one book is actually closing in on a deal.

So, are my picks that on target or is it merely coincidence?!

Yeah, probably coincidence.

But no matter what, you can trust my selections--though there will certainly be fewer this year.

Updates will forthcoming. I'll pass on the good news as soon as I get it.

And for all you fans of Dennis Latham (whose book MICHAEL IN HELL was selected by yours truly last year), he's got a new title out and a nice feature in the Cincinnati Enquirer. Check it out.

MISS ALICE MERRIWETHER'S LONG LOST CAKES & FURTHER ARCANE INDUCEMENTS TO WONDER by Barry Aitchison (Velluminous)

2006-08-01T07:48:00.000-04:00

Oh, yeah. If the title hasn't already got you by the hair, then check out this opening:

One Sunday evening, the town of Parcival, USA disappeared. It was Tuesday morning before anyone in the outside world noticed it was gone.

The book's style, from the get-go, is not something that would normally stick with me--a sort of itemized introduction of the various characters--but it did. And what characters they are! The book is literary, yet it's also a bit of a western, some science fiction, and a whole lot of whimsy. I mean, we're talking characters whose names are Alexander Pumpernickel and Quentin C. Coriander! This book is superb satire, the kind of story and writing I have not seen since I last read Orwell's ANIMAL FARM or THE GREAT DIVORCE by C.S. Lewis.

Yeah, now you get where I'm coming from.

And now you see why it is difficult to describe the story in detail without giving away the store.

The book is full of suspense (how exactly does a town manage to disappear and return--and why?) and twists at the very end for a clever, highly-imaginative closing--just the kind that makes you think, "Hmm, maybe I should start over and read it again."

If it's so great, why isn't it published by Viking or Grove/Atlantic? Because even Orwell and Lewis couldn't get stuff like this published today. (Velluminous, from what I can tell, is a commercial publisher using the POD model.) But I am thankful Mr. Aitchison found a way to get this story into print no matter what. Oh, what I (and you) would have been missing.

Grab a copy of this fantastic novel today. Amazon has it for $10.49; it's worth all 1,049 pennies.

Editing, Guns N' Roses style

2006-07-30T19:09:00.000-04:00

We all need to be edited. Even Axl Rose. This little piece on McSweeney's has got to be one of the funniest things I have read this year. This would even make Miss Snark proud!

You'll never look at your editor the same way again.

_____________________

Also, check out this super-duper article on Will Clarke's books (yes, both) in the New York Times Sunday Book Review. No wonder both of Will's novels are selling like crazy at Amazon!

_____________________

And in the praise the Lord department . . . .

The bell curve is for wimps. (Exam answers)

2006-07-27T08:10:00.000-04:00

Well, well, well. So much for me posting the names of the folks who scored 100%. Because no one did. In fact, no one scored above 80%.

High Score: 79% (19 out of 24), Caitlin Wayfield of Sacramento, California. The next closest were "Heather" from Asheville, North Carolina, and "Editor" from HarperCollins, each with scores of 71% (17 out of 24).

The statistics are interesting, though--far more on point that I would've imagined. Here are the average scores broken down by group:

Average Score, Editors: 63% (19 exams)
Average Score, Agents: 60% (26 exams)
Average Score, Authors: 53% (72 exams)
Average Score, Other: 46% (550 exams +/-)

So it turns out editors and agents have a keener eye than I'd guessed. I suppose it makes sense that unpublished works go from author to agent to editor. Looks like we're not turning the publishing industry on its ear anytime soon.

The answers are listed below, with excerpt information listed for all the commercially published novels. I am not listing the info for the POD books, mostly because I do not want to indirectly endorse books that I passed over and chose not to review (and subsequently dilute the books I did choose over the past year and a half)--and also because, though I personally selected all the commercially published excerpts, I had two friends helping me find the POD excerpts (plowing through boxes in my garage), so I likely won't remember each specific book.

The excerpts that tripped most people were #1, #5, #10, #12, #13, and #24. Almost everyone got these wrong.

And to all the folks (a few dozen) who thought all of the excerpts were POD, I'm afraid it wasn't so. In fact, several of the books I pulled from were NY Times Bestsellers, if you can believe it.

Read 'em and weep.

(1) This is where I came in. Not the beginning, but the middle. I've spent my life feeling like I was born at eight years old and I'm about to die at nine, living my life as one long 352-day experience, with all of the abuse and anguish of the year as though it just happened moments ago. But the reflection in the mirror reassures me that I'm actually thirty-nine. POD

(2) Francesca takes him, leads him, into the bedroom and opens herself like a rose. Michael stares at her flower and smiles, mounts her like an animal. His smile widens as her rose becomes his. His smile will fade in approximately two weeks when he begins to see the thorns. POD

(3) He walks back to our bedroom, muttering and moaning that life blows, in a scary-nervous voice. The idea of broads shoving bucks in my trunks excites me. Now I have a boner, standing at the bathroom mirror in my white underwear. Look at this fucking thing. I wish I knew how to get rid of them. I need to hit the library. Time to get my mind off the boner and back to the hair. Excerpted from GREEN GRASS GRACE by Shawn McBride (2003, Simon & Schuster/Touchstone)

(4) He's got twenty bucks and a true dilemma: buy groceries or buy porn. Porn last longer; he goes with the smut. Kenny has never been considered impractical. POD

(5) So my friend, he buys milk and eggs and sugar and a carrot, all the ingredients for a carrot cake. And Vaseline. Like he's going home to stick a carrot cake up his butt. Excerpted from HAUNTED (from the short story, GUTS) by Chuck Palahniuk (2005, Doubleday)

(6) Harry locked his mother in the closet. Harry. Please. Not again the TV. Okay, okay, Harry opened the door, then stop playin games with my head. He started walking across the room toward the television set. And don't bug me. Excerpted from REQUIEM FOR A DREAM by Hubert Selby, Jr. (1978, Simon & Schuster, re-released by Thunder’s Mouth)

(7) "And your point is what? I don't even care. If you do have a point, keep it to yourself." She pauses. "No, I do care, tell me." She pauses again. "No, never mind, just get out." He starts to leave. "Wait." He looks back. "Never mind, just go." He walks out the door and slams it behind him. "Wait!" she yells. POD

(8) "And the fact that you're not from the campus, that takes it over the top. Because there's nothing that excites me like the idea of perceptive, intelligent women living in a university town yet having no connection with the school. Just living in the same town, right there, not needing to have anything to do with it. The idea of the intelligent woman in the university town. What is she? Why is she there? It's a stimulating idea." Excerpted from AS SHE CLIMBED ACROSS THE TABLE by Jonathan Lethem (1997, Doubleday)

(9) Acid-induced cloud, I'm all out there, man. I'm feeling the love, the glove, the shove. Let's shove together. Shove off, man. We're falling now. You see? Never gonna crash. Slash. Trash. Take the stash. Dig it. Smooth, baby. POD

(10) Malcolm never made the same mistake twice; he either got it right the first time or he'd spend the entire weekend correcting some half-assed attempt at success, well into mistake eighteen or nineteen. POD

(11) His tongue, his tongue, his tongue, so wet and wild, like having a small animal in my mouth, a slithery reptile making its way, now, down my neck, down my body, down, down, down. POD

(12) No one's ever held my foot before, Ellie thought, blissfully. Her foot in his hand gave her an inexplicable feeling of safety and belonging that she had never before experienced. I think I love this man, she had thought as the two of them sat silently and her foot melted in his wonderful hand. Excerpted from THE PLAYGROUP by Nelsie Spencer (2003, St. Martin’s)

(13) The bird’s singing became so insistent that I began asking Michael to repeat every word he said. I was a bit annoyed, a bit amused and more than a bit surprised by the bird’s behavior. When I felt I could no longer act nonchalantly about the situation I said to Michael, using an appropriate New Yorkese expression, “What is it with this bird, anyway?” To which Michael matter-of-factly replied, “Oh, that’s George” as if that was all the explanation required for my understanding of the creature’s behavior. “What do you mean, oh that’s George?” I said. “Are you telling me you know this wild bird and that you call him George?” Michael did not offer detailed verbal clarification. Excerpted from CLUB GEORGE by Bob Levy (2006, St. Martin’s/Thomas Dunne)

(14) The rubber met the road. Actually, the rubber was on me, and I was going down a different road: the Hershey Highway. Traffic was light. I hit the gas. I was home in no time. POD

(15) The bell rings, and it's an incredibly ugly-sounding bell, and I wonder why? Why don't they have beautiful tones ringing us on to our next class, but I doubt that anyone gives a shit so I'd say that's why. Excerpted from VICIOUS SPRING by Hollis Hampton-Jones (2004, Penguin Putnam/Riverhead)

(16) Melanie was hosting another Mary Kay party when I got home, and the ladies were all spread around the family room, evenly spaced like digits on the face of a clock, with that fat-assed Laurie blocking my wide-screen, right at twelve o'clock. Pissed me off something fierce. All I wanted was a little time with my man, Frasier. That Niles Crane? That's funny shit, man. POD

(17) "She took everything from you. Everything. Everything. All I wanted was a family. That's all. All I wanted. A family. A family." Saliva spewed from his mouth and mucus bubbled from his nostrils. Harder and harder he struck, ignoring the pain ripping through his head. "Why? Why? Why!" Excerpted from THE FAMILY MAN by Michael S. Patterson (2001, MacAdam/Cage)

(18) "Don't dick with me, cockface--or cock with me, dickface--or whatever the hell it's supposed to be. You no good dickface." POD

(19) He wished for the thousandth time in his life that he had a dog, a golden retriever, maybe, for travels like this and to keep him company at home. But he was frequently away, overseas much of the time, and it would not be fair to the animal. Still, he thought about it anyway. Excerpted from THE BRIDGES OF MADISON COUNTY by Robert James Waller (1992, Warner)

(20) I feel all the longing of this earth tugging at my sleeves. All the hope that has vanished from every soul seems to pass through me on its way to another place, and I drift with it as it goes. I want to be here. I want to be there, too. All I want is a little omnipresence. POD

(21) "Don't cry for me. Don't remember me. Don't take anything with you that might bring an image of me to your mind. I want to be forgotten. I want to disintegrate. Move on and leave me behind. Just don't take the Mercedes when you go. Other than that, forget me." POD

(22) The next night I brought her flowers. I was hoping she would hit me again, call me names, tell me how worthless I am. I rushed home from work every day, hoping. But she wouldn't do it, not even when I asked. That's when she really started cheating on me. She said whipping me made her feel bad about herself. Excerpted from HAPPY BABY by Stephen Elliott (2004, MacAdam/Cage)

(23) Hers contained a desire beyond sweetness and attention, it fed a longing, beginning to flower green and yellow into a crocuslike lust, the soft petals opening into her awkward adolescence. Excerpted from THE LOVELY BONES by Alice Sebold (2002, Little,Brown)

(24) John, 18, hated his face. If his nose were smaller, his eyes a different brown, his bottom lip pouty . . . As a kid he'd been punched in the mouth and looked great for a couple of weeks. Excerpted from CLOSER by Dennis Cooper (Grove/Atlantic, 1990)

Okay, I'm done. I'm going back to bed.

MID-TERM EXAM (Summer Session)

2006-07-25T08:00:00.000-04:00

Context is (pretty much) everything.

I've been hammering the POD (vanity press side) world a good bit in the last few months (due to the lack of supply of decent reads this year) and realized maybe it's time I turned the tables (a little). I suppose it's easy to sniff a pile of dog excrement and say, "See? Told you it would smell." Maybe I forgot the reason I started this blog: to elevate the self-published jewels above the aforementioned fecal matter.

But we know I can do it. The question is . . . can you?

Back to context. It's not too easy (most of the time) to distinguish the published from the self-published when the cover and price are removed from the equation.

It's time for your mid-term exam. Below you will find 24 excerpts from various novels. Some of these excerpts are from POD (self-published) books and some are from books released by major publishers (Random, Warner, Putnam, etc.) You must pick which ones are from POD novels and which ones are from commercially published novels.

Feel free to send your answers to my email, with "POD EXAM" in the subject line and tell me your name (real or otherwise) and your city and state. Folks with 100% grades will win the big prize (getting your name listed on my blog along with the ever-valuable pat on the back). I welcome all to give it a shot, especially all you agents, editors, and fancy-pants literati. Just number your email from 1 to 24 and put "POD" or "Commercial" next to each entry. The [sic] markers have been removed intentionally. The exam must be completed by 5:00 pm EST, Wednesday, July 26th. Answers will be posted Thursday, July 27th. Cheaters will be expelled.

Good luck. You may begin.

(1) This is where I came in. Not the beginning, but the middle. I've spent my life feeling like I was born at eight years old and I'm about to die at nine, living my life as one long 352-day experience, with all of the abuse and anguish of the year as though it just happened moments ago. But the reflection in the mirror reassures me that I'm actually thirty-nine.

(2) Francesca takes him, leads him, into the bedroom and opens herself like a rose. Michael stares at her flower and smiles, mounts her like an animal. His smile widens as her rose becomes his. His smile will fade in approximately two weeks when he begins to see the thorns.

(3) He walks back to our bedroom, muttering and moaning that life blows, in a scary-nervous voice. The idea of broads shoving bucks in my trunks excites me. Now I have a boner, standing at the bathroom mirror in my white underwear. Look at this fucking thing. I wish I knew how to get rid of them. I need to hit the library. Time to get my mind off the boner and back to the hair.

(4) He's got twenty bucks and a true dilemma: buy groceries or buy porn. Porn last longer; he goes with the smut. Kenny has never been considered impractical.

(5) So my friend, he buys milk and eggs and sugar and a carrot, all the ingredients for a carrot cake. And Vaseline. Like he's going home to stick a carrot cake up his butt.

(6) Harry locked his mother in the closet. Harry. Please. Not again the TV. Okay, okay, Harry opened the door, then stop playin games with my head. He started walking across the room toward the television set. And don't bug me.

(7) "And your point is what? I don't even care. If you do have a point, keep it to yourself." She pauses. "No, I do care, tell me." She pauses again. "No, never mind, just get out." He starts to leave. "Wait." He looks back. "Never mind, just go." He walks out the door and slams it behind him. "Wait!" she yells.

(8) "And the fact that you're not from the campus, that takes it over the top. Because there's nothing that excites me like the idea of perceptive, intelligent women living in a university town yet having no connection with the school. Just living in the same town, right there, not needing to have anything to do with it. The idea of the intelligent woman in the university town. What is she? Why is she there? It's a stimulating idea."

(9) Acid-induced cloud, I'm all out there, man. I'm feeling the love, the glove, the shove. Let's shove together. Shove off, man. We're falling now. You see? Never gonna crash. Slash. Trash. Take the stash. Dig it. Smooth, baby.

(10) Malcolm never made the same mistake twice; he either got it right the first time or he'd spend the entire weekend correcting some half-assed attempt at success, well into mistake eighteen or nineteen.

(11) His tongue, his tongue, his tongue, so wet and wild, like having a small animal in my mouth, a slithery reptile making its way, now, down my neck, down my body, down, down, down.

(12) No one's ever held my foot before, Ellie thought, blissfully. Her foot in his hand gave her an inexplicable feeling of safety and belonging that she had never before experienced. I think I love this man, she had thought as the two of them sat silently and her foot melted in his wonderful hand.

(14) The rubber met the road. Actually, the rubber was on me, and I was going down a different road: the Hershey Highway. Traffic was light. I hit the gas. I was home in no time.

(18) "Don't dick with me, cockface--or cock with me, dickface--or whatever the hell it's supposed to be. You no good dickface."

(23) Hers contained a desire beyond sweetness and attention, it fed a longing, beginning to flower green and yellow into a crocuslike lust, the soft petals opening into her awkward adolescence.

(24) John, 18, hated his face. If his nose were smaller, his eyes a different brown, his bottom lip pouty . . . As a kid he'd been punched in the mouth and looked great for a couple of weeks.

Ah, the vanity of Hollywood.

2006-07-21T07:12:00.000-04:00

Perhaps all vanity publishers should relocate to Los Angeles, in order to tap into that egocentric abyss to the north. You'd think all those memoirs-in-the-making would want to find a publisher (*yawn*) nearby. I mean, if Alec (held up by litigation) and Stephen Baldwin can publish memoirs, why wouldn't the tall one and the fat one want to publish them, too?

Why did I bring this up? Turns out actress Meg Tilly's new book, GEMMA, will be released this fall by Syren Book Company. I'd never heard of the publisher but I went to check them out (I really enjoyed Meg's first novel, SINGING SONGS, released back in the mid-90's by Dutton.) As soon as I poked around the Syren website, it became clear what they were about. I started seeing catch-phrases that made my stomach turn.

"You're self-publishing options."

"Advantages of self-publishing."

"The author has control."

And under Costs, they do not list any; this is a certain kiss of death. ("Contact us for a publishing estimate.") At least they admit right away that they are "not the cheapest option."

Poor Meg Tilly.

Based on the quality of her first book a decade ago, I'm sure she could've found a home if she had tried longer. This is not the same thing as Jamie Farr releasing a fairy tale through PublishAmerica.

Worst of all, it sounds like Syren does a print run, like Vantage, which--unlike the POD world--is the most expensive, worst-risk option to take.

I'll buy her book anyway, but I hope she tries a little harder to find an editor next time.

If you want to read more of why she went this route, check out this brief article from Publisher's Weekly.

Opening paragraphs of recent PODs that yielded an abbreviated read

2006-07-18T08:59:00.000-04:00

So many folks have asked me how bad a book must be to only read one sentence or paragraph before closing it (generated by my 2005 stats). Well, I went back and found as many as I could recall (and a bunch of new ones for 2006). These authors did not read Noah Lukeman's THE FIRST FIVE PAGES.

I figure the best thing I can do is let you judge for yourself.

I'd comment on why these are so horrid, but I could never do the kind of justice that Miss Snark has done for the literary community; she's hit the nail on the head enough times to have finished off a mountain retreat. So here, you'll just have to read. And suffer.

You've been warned.

Everyone loved Colleen, including me. You would have loved her too. What was not to love? She was completely loveable. The first time I saw her, I new [sic] I would fall in love. [closed]
"Get your hands up!!!!!!!!" cried Milky Frothbean. [closed]
I can't help it. I've always had a thing for smelly, sweaty spandex. What could be tastier this time of the morning? [closed]
You will not believe what I am about to tell you. And because I am telling you, you will know it is true, but you will still not believe it, even though you trust me. You may think I am not rtustworhty [sic] but trust me, you won't believe me. [closed, then burned]
I see men and I semen. [closed]
Thing's [sic] arnt [sic] allways [sic] on time in thisworld [sic]. [closed]
Michael Hierhoff III was born on October 17, 1972, the son of Samuel Hierhoff and Maria Hierhoff, of the Stamford Hierhoffs. Michael's grandfather, Elijah Hierhoff, came to America from Austria, where Miriam and Claus Hierhoff raised their many children. Ruth Hierhoff was . . . [closed]
It turns out you can eat shit and not die. I've been there, baby. [closed]
In the year 9892 . . . [closed]
The rain, wet, cold, misty and murky, fell on our saturated, pruned skin, had us running the cold, hard pavement with such animated and excited fury, that we fell in laughter when we returned to the warm, dry fire. [closed]
Everyday [sic] was like Monday for Trudy Goldman, except Tuesday, which always felt like Tuesday to her. I don't know, you'd have to ask her why. But Monday, different story. She preferred Fridays over any day of the week, which was strange since it felt like Monday. To her, I mean. [closed]
I like nothing better than hairy arms and big tits. [closed]
I'd never not do nothing if Amy was taking drugs. [closed]
Michael Swank would of [sic] saved Marshall Swank if he could of [sic].
"Is that blood?" I thought. I ran to the phone to call my friend, Jack Walney, at the local FBI office. Turns out he was out, working another case. What are the odds of that? So I called my contact at the Houston Police Department, and he was out on a case, too. Had I stumbled onto something? Was this a conspiracy unfolding?! [closed]
I could feel the pizza rising, the bile on its way up, over and out, all the pepperoni and mushrooms on a frenzied journey to daylight. Why did I drink all that beer? Why did I feel the need to impress Jesse like that? She told me pizza wasn't a good thing to eat before doing beer bongs and now I was going to prove her right, right down to the imminent pepperoni and mushroom stains on her beautiful white wedding dress. [closed]
Igby much liked the smell of burning flesh. [closed]
They called her Labia. [closed]
I havent [sic] seen porn this good in year's [sic]. [closed]
Everyone, and I mean everyone, came out for Nam Phing's party. Everyone was there. Even the Grant Carab was there. And since I was there, I can tell you this amazing story. [closed]

POD People get help!

2006-07-13T07:21:00.000-04:00

Remember Jeremy Robinson, the dude who wrote the intense, thought-provoking novel (and Needle finalist) THE DIDYMUS CONTINGENCY? If not, then you have a homework assignment. So far, the book has sold some 4,000 copies--more than a lot of traditionally published books.

Well, he's got another book out. And if you're a PODer (God help you) or thinking of becoming a PODer (move to the front of God's line) then you need to check this book out. POD PEOPLE is a manual for grabbing success with your POD title. Seriously, this is a solid reference. It is not full of hype on the glory of self-publishing; it actually brings you down to earth quickly, and explains how you can make the best of the world of POD--and how Jeremy turned his novel into a popular product.

And if you look at the cover closely, you'll see something that is unprecedented: a blurb from yours truly. That is how much I think the content of this book will help you. In fact, even traditionally published authors could get something from POD PEOPLE, for stuff like understanding Amazon and making the most of the digital marketplace.

Now, don't get carried away; I'm not going to blurb your novel, okay? I know some authors hand out blurbs like Halloween candy, but that is not me. This was an exception since it was a book about the POD world--and it earned it.

Also of note, Mr. Robinson has set up his own imprint, Breakneck Books, which he used to release POD PEOPLE and two other titles. If you look closely, he is accepting submissions for novels (thrillers, I would suspect). Another PublishAmerica? I think not. Check it out.

Elsewhere in the PODosphere (argh), A.C. Crispin has a nice little investigative piece on iUniverse's book placement in B&N stores. Excellent info here, proving once again that you need to get the details before spending money on getting published--and also proving once again that Susan Driscoll is a stand-up gal.

Also, Rice University re-opens it's academic press (closed ten years ago) under a more reasonable, promising, and profitable model. What model is this? Print-on-demand, of course.

Inside the mind of an editor (sort of)

2006-07-12T08:10:00.000-04:00

For all you HGTV fans (I'm not a huge advocate of television, but HGTV is actually kind of fun), you need to keep an eye on House Hunters. I caught it a few nights ago and they were showing a lady and her real estate agent walking through various condos in Manhattan.

As I watched, I thought to myself, "Boy, that lady sure looks a lot like Brenda Copeland." After a few minutes they started referring to her as Brenda. I sat up in my chair. A few minutes after that, the real estate agent said to her something like, "Look at all that shelf space--perfect for an editor."

Turns out it was Brenda Copeland, who is an Executive Editor for Hyperion. Do you really get to know anything about her as an editor? Not really. As a person? Sure. You get to find out she somehow survived in a 300 square foot apartment and stored stuff in her tub. You also find out that an executive editor makes enough to go out and buy a half-million dollar condo in Washington Heights. Most of all, though, you find out Brenda is a cute, super, wonderful gal who makes me wish I actually wrote non-fiction just so I could try to sell it to her.

My favorite part is the end of the episode where she is sitting at her table reading over some 8.5x11, double-spaced pages with a pen in her hand. I'm pretty sure I saw her mouth the words, "Boy, this is complete crap." (That's a joke.)

NORTH OF SUNSET by Henry Baum (Lulu)

2006-07-10T07:13:00.000-04:00

Looking for a light, romantic story about Hollywood? Well, it's not this book. How about a wild thriller about a serial killer? That's not this book either--at least, not exactly.

Henry Baum's NORTH OF SUNSET is the story of Michael Sennet, Hollywood heartthrob and egomaniac. It is also the story of the Vanity Plate Killer, a sociopath who is wiping out all the ladies who have personalized license plates in the greater Los Angeles area. But most of all, it is the story of how these very separate worlds collide. You are thrust into an angry Los Angeles by way of an insider's view of Hollywood, where the bowels of the movie industry are potentially worse than the world of a serial killer.

The story is rough and angry and profane--but it sure is compelling. I was one paragraph in before I realized I needed to make myself comfortable (granted, the first paragraph is a page and a half long.)

Baum manages to capture the essence of the lost, attention-addicted actor:

He never wanted to get a regular job, at all costs. Regular jobs were for regular people. People who lacked imagination. Michael had too much imagination; he wanted to become a thousand people.

He's also managed to capture all of the angst that Hollywood has riddled through its collective personality: the abusive agents, the jockeying for position, and the everyone-is-stepping-on-everyone mentality that surfaces on a daily basis. There is no doubt Baum has lived within (or permeated) this incestuous community.

The writing is stellar--and I'm not just saying that because I finished reading 121 crappy books in a row. There are probably a whole bunch of influences here: Bukowski, Chandler, and of course the mandatory reference to Chuck Palahniuk. But once you've finished reading this book, I think you'll agree it is not so much who influenced the writing; it is who this writing will influence.

Trust me when I say that this book is one you buy and one you keep; you'll be looking to re-read it sooner than later. Don't loan it to you friends. Go make them get their own copy. Grab it for $16.82 on Amazon or $12.95 over at Lulu.

A few post-holiday goodies . . . .

2006-07-05T09:52:00.000-04:00

Wow. My post on "random notes" generated over 40,000 hits over the holiday weekend, thanks to a few major sites picking up the link! Thanks for visiting, y'all. I'm on vacation (or "out to lunch," as my editor would say) but I wanted to pass along a few goodies.

First of all, check out this article on Mark Falkin, the dude who wrote the delicious DAYS OF GRACE. It mentions little old me. Which, of course, makes it an outstanding article.

Next, great news for John Skipp, former POD-dy Mouth pick for CONSCIENCE, who sold this novella and more to Dorchester. From Publishers Marketplace:

Splatterpunk John Skipp's THE LONG LAST CALL, and a novella, CONSCIENCE, to Don D'auria at Leisure Books, by Lori Perkins at L. Perkins Agency (NA).

Lastly, check out Jason Pinter's blog entry on the truth about literary agents. He should know; he's an editor (for Three Rivers Press) and an author, whose debut title will be released from Mira in one year. So he plays for both teams, so to speak--and he speaks the truth. Should be mandatory reading for all unpublished authors.

Random notes to the authors of the last seven POD books I read:

2006-06-29T07:06:00.000-04:00

Dude, next time translate the German.
I'm not sure what this means: "He was everywhere and nowhere all at once; he smelled like tuna."
The heroine of your novel should probably have the same first name throughout the entire book. Probably.
I've never seen "erect green nipples" before, but if you say so....
For future reference, it's spelled s*f*u*m*a*t*o, and in any case, I wouldn't use it eight times in one book.
Uh, there is no September 31st.
The sun was blinding, her love was blinding, her hope was blinding, her will was blinding, her passion was blinding. I hope she saved some money for cataract surgery.
To all seven of you: It's for a while, not for awhile.
FYI - Julius Caesar did not invent the caesar salad.
Your memoir about trying to write a memoir? Probably sounded clever after a few Heinekens. But there was something missing in the execution--or was that the point?
I didn't realize your protagonist was a man--until page 87.
Here's the thing: Dialectical writing almost never works out. It usually comes across as over the top, no matter how good you are. And yes, I've read TRAINSPOTTING and EVERYTHING IS ILLUMINATED and probably all of the other examples you have in your arsenal of retorts, but I've got news for you: You're no Irvine Welsh. Or should I say, "You ere noo Eervane Waylch."
Reykjavik is in Iceland, not Russia. By the way, it's not in Poland, either.
Did a quick word count and you used the "F" word 767 times, or 2.5 times per page. That's enough to make Martin Scorsese blush.
I have a helpful tip for you: I think the term piquant might work better than like salsa. Just a thought.
You knew writing in second person would be a challenge. But you did it anyway, against your better judgment. The last book you read was BRIGHT LIGHTS, BIG CITY and it stuck with you. You tell your friends you have written a novel. You tell them you are a pioneer of literature. You figure Poddy Mouth will dig your edgy style. You are wrong.
Are you sure slurpgurgle is really a word?
Mickey Mack McKeldinroy. Not necessarily my top choice for a name for your protagonist--considering he's Italian.
Do you know what widows and orphans are? Never mind. I know the answer.
Are the folks who make Sunny Delight paying you for the abundant product placement? I mean, really, who drinks Sunny D with a porterhouse?
I want to be very clear about something: Gynecological exams are never sexy. Absolutely never. Understand me: never. If only you had a cervix.
Actually, I think the planets revolve around the sun, not the other way around. Oh, and there's nine of them, by the way.
I think you meant assuage, not ass gauge.
I've got to be honest; I'm surprised even PublishAmerica allowed this to go to print.
Okay, I understand the complexities of writing about time travel, but how exactly does one go back and kill her mother pre-birth and not get wiped out in the same second? Upon further review, the fourth dimension might not be a good setting for a chick lit novel.
I'm sorry, but I just don't get it.

MANDATORY READ: The (New) Will Clarke Interview

2006-06-27T07:00:00.000-04:00

I didn't mean to suggest that there is a new Will Clarke. No, it's the same Will Clarke that smoked your gouda with LORD VISHNU'S LOVE HANDLES. Only now, he's pulled out the industrial smoker with his latest and greatest book, THE WORTHY, a snazzy little novel about a murdered frat boy who gets sweet revenge from the other side.

Dig it:

Girl: First off: Oooh, that smell. Can’t you smell that smell? (New rule: All interviews must have at least one reference to Lynyrd Skynyrd.)

Will: It’s the formaldehyde from the embalming fluid—one of the hazards of meeting in a funeral home I suppose. Did you know that in smaller doses formaldehyde is what creates the beloved new car smell? Funeral home smell and new car smell are the same thing. And ironically, the smell can kill you. Causes cancer. The powers that be are taking action to remove new car smell from new cars. But I digress.

Girl: No problem. I suffer from acute indigression. But speaking of death, poor Conrad Avery Sutton III, affluent frat boy dead at the sinister hands of his fraternity brother. What an unlikely narrator for your book. I’ll bet dollars to pancakes this ain’t THE LOVELY BONES. Give us the lowdown on the guts of this story.

Will: I completed THE WORTHY in 1998 and by early 2000 it had been rejected by every publisher in North America. So when Alice Sebold’s THE LOVELY BONES exploded onto the scene in 2002, I was both stoked and a little worried. After all, here was this amazing bestseller with a ghost narrator, and here I was with a rejected manuscript with the same device. In fact, I have lots of saved rejections letters from editors who passed on THE WORTHY because it had a ghost narrator which they said caused this book to slip between genres—a big no-no pre-LOVELY BONES.

But as the years went by, Alice Sebold’s book actually opened things up for me. It gave folks a point of reference that allowed my book to live outside the horror genre. In fact, now when people talk about THE WORTHY they often describe it as THE LOVELY BONES meets ANIMAL HOUSE. Which is fine by me. It’s a very fast way to position the book with readers and that’s always a good thing.

But the real guts of my book has to do with being a 19 year-old frat boy and being hormonally challenged. It’s all about the brainless carnality of that age—all the beer-funneling, random hooking-up and incessant smoking out—and then having all these bodily excesses taken away in one neck-snapping moment. It’s also about revenge, redemption, and what can happen when oaths are sworn and actions become anonymous.

Girl: I wish I had your imagination. How did you come up with this idea for a story? Which came first, VISHNU or THE WORTHY?

Will: THE WORTHY started as a short story that I couldn’t finish. I was taking a fiction writing class at SMU and the assignment was to put a character in conflict with his or her environment. So I came up with a dead frat boy haunting the frat house where he was murdered. Originally, I thought the story would be kind of a retelling of the Tantalus myth, but when Conrad showed up on the page, I really like him so I stepped out of the way, and let him tell me his story. 300 pages later, I had THE WORTHY.

I did indeed write THE WORTHY first. It landed me a kick-ass agent who ultimately wasn’t able to kick ass on behalf of the book. So I wrote LORD VISHNU’S LOVE HANDLES to keep my agent interested, but she couldn’t sell that one either. So I had two “dead books” on my hands and we parted ways. That’s when I put out my MiddleFingerPress shingle.

Girl: Man, remember when you were a PODer yourself? Must seem like a million lifetimes ago. Ever imagine (that is, an engaging nightmare) of going back?

Will: To be honest, I loved being a PODer. It was very artistically satisfying for me. It also taught me some very important lessons. I got to walk a mile in everyone’s moccasins—editor, copy editor, jacket designer, publicist, publisher, and sales rep. The whole process made me appreciate my foray into traditional publishing that much more. I have a great deal of admiration and respect for anyone who has made the creation and distribution of books their life’s work.

As for going back to POD, it depends on what the book wants. To me, my books are like people, like infantes—baby kings riding on the backs of elephants. And I’m the guide who’s been appointed to take them where they demand to go. If that means self-publishing, if that is where the book wants to go, then that is where I will take him. I have no shame in this. So long as what I am doing is in service to the work, then it’s always worth it, and it’s always valid. A book goes where it wants to go—it makes friends and creates its own enemies. It’s an entity on to itself. As the writer I’m really just the sherpa who’s job it is to help the book on its way, be it traditional publishing or through POD.

Girl: Rumor or fact: Not only have you sold the film rights to LORD VISHNU’S LOVE HANDLES, but you recently sold the film rights to THE WORTHY as well. And if this is true, do you mind if I refer to you as Miserable Bastard from this point forward?

Will: The rumors are true. Doug Wick and Lucy Fisher at Red Wagon just set up THE WORTHY at Columbia Pictures and Andrew J. Cohen and Brendan O’Brien (40 Year-Old Virgin) have been tapped to write it. So yes, you may refer to me as El Capitan Miserable Bastard.

Girl: Dude, why are you so in demand?

Miserable Bastard: Statistical anomaly? A glitch in the matrix? I honestly don’t know why I’m having so much luck. If I did know, I would have made all this happen for me a long time ago. But while I do have Fortune shining on me, I plan to make hay.

Girl: Early reviews of THE WORTHY seem to be quite favorable, which is amazing considering it’s almost impossible to get a decent review anymore unless your last name is Roth. Not to mention it's a BookSense Notable Book for July 2006. What other attention has THE WORTHY been getting?

Miserable Bastard: The early reviews have been very kind. Again, I think Fortune has been taking her Prozac, and decided to give me a break. But I know it’s coming. I know the rug will be pulled at some point and I will get a bad review in a major pub, and I will take to my sick bed, drinking too much Mad Dog and crying into my pillow.

Girl: I think she takes Lithium, actually. How often do you write? What is your pace like?

Will/MB: I write everyday. I am swift and prolific. Only problem is that most of it sucks. So I have to wade through tons of oyster flesh to find a pearl.

Girl: Tell me about the tour. And what are you handing out in lieu of finger puppets? Little wooden paddles? Stuffed animals? Pledge pins?

Will/MB: Maybe instead of finger puppets, I’ll give out little new car smell air fresheners— to play off the whole embalming fluid/death theme. So far, I have been delivering lemon pies to book sellers in my hometown since the book features the magical use of the dessert and most booksellers I have found seem to like to eat lemon pies.

For this tour, I’m going to 9 cities in July. Here’s the run down:

7/10, Dallas: B&N (Northwest Highway) @ 7:30 PM
7/11, Washington DC: Books-A-Million (McLean, VA) @ 7:00 PM
7/12, Chicago: Border's (N. Clark Street) @ 7:30 PM
7/14, Los Angeles: Book Soup @ 7:00 PM
7/18, Memphis: Davis-Kidd @ 6:00 PM
7/19, Baton Rouge: Barnes & Noble (CitiPlace Court) @ 7:00 PM
7/20, New Orleans: Garden District Bookshop @ 5:00 PM
7/23, Shreveport: Books-A-Million (Bossier Corners) @ 3:00 PM
7/26, Austin: BookPeople, Texas Monthly Author Series event; July 2006 featured author @ 7:00 PM

Girl: I've always believed there needs to be more pie action at literary events. So, what’s coming next from the mind of Will Clarke?

Will/MB: I have a third novel knocking around, but I’ve put it away for a while to marinate. When I’m promoting and touring, I find it hard to work on longer projects. I like to work on shorter, less emotionally draining things like screenplays and short stories.

In fact, I just wrote a short autobiographical piece called “How To Kill A Boy That Nobody Likes” for a Simon & Schuster anthology edited by the great John McNally which should be out in 2007.

I am also totally fascinated by the “Buddha Boy” in Nepal. Last fall, he sat under a tree in the jungle for six months, meditating without food or water and then disappeared. I want to go find him.

Girl: I saw that guy. He's over at McDonalds, stuffing his face by the PlayPlace. Anyway, thanks for dropping by, Will. And thanks for sharing, as they say in my various 12-step meetings.

For more info on the esteemed Clarke-meister, check out his blog.

But above all, buy his book, released today by Simon & Schuster, and have a beach read that will tan your hide from the inside out.

For a change of pace . . . Not-Books

2006-06-26T07:42:00.000-04:00

Abebooks is celebrating their 10th anniversary and (because they have arguably the world's largest selection of new, used and rare books) they are offering Not-Books. That is, they offer so many books, they even offer nonexistent ones. It's pretty funny. Check it out.