Friday, September 02, 2005

Friday Morning Eggs, raw, in a glass

That's right, cafe patrons--egg shooters today: your punishment for overdrinking last week. At least it's low carb!
As your choking down that salmonella-laden nastiness, check out the good ol' P5 for September 2, 2005:

(1) SUFFER IN SILENCE: 19,783 5
(3) COOKIN' FOR LOVE: 84,398 6


Let's kick it off with this juicy little slam from the Washington Post about Amazon's text stats. Unneeded? Perhaps. But it is kinda fun. And good to know that my books reads on an 8th grade level.

And if we could really buy books per pound, PublishAmerica would suddenly be the most affordably priced publisher in the United States.

Wouldn't you know . . . guess who spammed me again (against my wishes, mind you)? Why, yes, it was Tracey Rosengrave, Marketing Manager for Xlibris. She sent me an email with this subject line: "A Second Note on Publishing Your Writing."

I figured maybe she was going to take me up on the $80k advance. I was sadly mistaken. Let's continue:

"My name is Tracey Rosengrave, Marketing Manager for Xlibris Corporation. I sent you an email about two weeks ago."

Translation: "Probably thought you'd gotten rid of me, but, much like herpes, I only disappear for brief stints."

My response: "Has it been two weeks already? Funny, I didn't miss you."

"I like to send out a follow up email message just to be sure I didn’t overlook you the last time."

Translation: "Spam!"

My response: "No, you found me just fine. You're trolling robots managed to locate my email address and send this inane junk my way. You're doing just fine."

"I would like to take the opportunity here to let you know that we are offering some incredible specials for this month only. One of those specials I am especially excited about as it is a brand new product for us and we are offering it for free for this month only. Publish with us in August and get your very own tailored website featuring your book or books."

Translation: "We're throwing in a website that will never be seen. By anyone. Ever."

My response: "Wow, I wonder if that site is as good as the one I spent three months and $2,200 on. Gosh, probably better!"

"I thank you for your time and look forward to working with you."

Translation: "Give me money."

My response: "I'd rather take a wad of hundreds and light them on fire."

Ever get weighed down with trying to finish your novel and think of giving up? Sure, we all have, I suppose. But fear not! This lady took 14 years to finish her book and now it is (one of) the darlings on the publishing industry, with gushing reviews coming from every direction.

If it's in you, finish it. And take your time. The publishing industry sure does.

Well, that's it for today, my friends. POD-dy's taking a break (okay, a Poddy break) for Labor Day (a national holiday for you non-natives) so they'll be no treasure on Monday. But soon the winds of publishing will be blowing as summertime ends and the big Fall rush is here. So expect lots of news and other goodies!