Friday, October 07, 2005

I've got one word for you: Scrapple.

Thaaaat's right, baby. It's time for a big plate of America's favorite meat. The cooks are off today (work release) and we have to fend for ourselves. So grab a wedge of that . . . stuff . . . and dig in.

This ought to help it go down. Today's P5:

(1) SUFFER IN SILENCE : 9,992 6
(2) RATED F: 79,320 5
(3) COOKIN' FOR LOVE: 117,331 6
(5) THE CIRCLE OF SODOM: 123,477 5

Over at Publishers Marketplace, you'll see a new deal report (provided you are a member) for another POD'er gone the traditional route. To quote:

"Pamela Aidan (Pseudonym)'s AN ASSEMBLY SUCH AS THIS, DUTY AND DESIRE, and THESE THREE REMAIN, a Fitzwilliam Darcy, Gentleman trilogy based on Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice seen from Darcy's point of view, originally published on the internet and via print-on-demand, to Amanda Patten at Touchstone Fireside, in a good deal, by Lloyd Jassin. "

The first two books (both currently ranked under 5,000 on Amazon) were published by Wytherngate Press, which appears to be a "self-pub" deal (with exceptional covers, though.) The third title was published by Xulon, a noted POD company. In any case, the fact that this was a "good deal" means that it was worth somewhere in the $100K to $250K range. Sounds like it was well worth the journey.


Jack Klugman is getting good press and excellent sales for his (short) self-published memoir about his friendship with Tony Randall. Not POD, of course--but self-published nonetheless. It's currently ranked at 983 on Amazon.

Why was this self-published? Either Jack has a real entrepreneurial spirit or he could not find a publisher--and I'm guessing the latter. I suppose he's not as titillating (*sigh*) as this bimbo* or this other bimbo. Sorry, Jack--publishers (not mine, of course) tend to be close-minded, moronic and increasingly peripheral.

* In the first two sentences in the opening chapter of this book, she manages to use the word "nipples" twice and the word "naked" twice. A budding literary superstar.


Looks like Authorhouse has a new bestselling title--one that will not be getting a once-over here at POD-dy Mouth. For one thing, it took me over ten seconds to finish reading the entire title. It's currently ranked 558 on Amazon:

Scientifically Guaranteed Male Multiple Orgasms and Ultimate Sex: Restart Natural Penis Enlargement, Eliminate Forever Premature Ejaculation, Erectile Dysfunction, Impotence and Enjoy Daily Orgasms

Meanwhile, Eat, Drink, and Be Healthy: The Harvard Medical School Guide to Healthy Eating from Free Press is not doing as well.


Please feel free to grab some antacid on the way out (two per customer, please) and we'll see you Monday with the sweet (digestive) relief of another excellent book that has yet to see the light of day.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

A picture tells a thousand words . . . or sometimes zero.

I have pictures of some of my friends in publishing (agents, editors and a few publishers) in their offices, and there is always one thing in common: They are buried in books. They're everywhere: on the desk, on the floor, blocking the windows, covering the air vents, preventing quick exit in case of fire.

So . . . how appropriate it is that Larry Clopper (chief-in-charge of whatever) at PublishAmerica works out of the sterile environment you see in this picture. Not a book to be found.

Why? Who knows. But we can only assume they are just too darn expensive to print and have lying around.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Why my novel has been incredibly successful

But first, here's your fist full of dollars, P5-style:

(1) SUFFER IN SILENCE: 7,624 5
(2) COOKIN' FOR LOVE: 38,488 5
(5) INFERTILITY SUCKS: 203,697 6

So, as I mentioned on a previous post, my book has sold some 20,000+ copies (at least shipped as many.) Sound good? Not really. How many did I want to sell? Millions. How many did I expect to sell? Enough (hopefully) to earn out my advance and maintain the ongoing interest of my publisher.

Did I achieve my goal? Hard to say. My advance has earned out but sales are on the line, as it were. My non-publishing-world friends all say, "Wow, you should be thrilled! Your publisher made a profit on your book."

Sure. But they want a big profit.

True, tens of thousands of books are published each year, but the imprint I am published with only releases 100 +/- each year. If each of those books earns a $30,000 profit . . . well, that just isn't good business.

So, do I worry? Of course. All writers worry. It's why we drink. So much. Every day.

Now . . . let's put it into a slightly different perspective and I'll tell you why my novel is a smashing success: because the Authors Guild tells me so.

If you check out this link on Dan Poynter's website, you'll see all sorts of cool/fun/depressing (though partly outdated) statistics about publishing. About a third of the way down you will see this:

A successful fiction book sells 5,000 copies. --Authors Guild.
A successful nonfiction book sells 7,500 copies. --Authors Guild.

So I have a successful novel four-fold! Woohoo. I can't wait to tell my editor.

How pathetic it is that a successful novel is a mere 5,000 copies. You should never again question why you can't live (well) on being a writer--or at least a novelist. Don't quit your day job.

So for all of you PODers who have sold 2,500 copies of your book (and I know a few of you), don't give up; you're halfway there.

Monday, October 03, 2005

WITHOUT GRACE by Carol Hoenig (iUniverse)

I have to admit, not many novels bring to mind TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD--not so much because people rarely tell good stories about rural America, as much as it is such a rarity to be blown away by the writing of said country life.

But such is the case with WITHOUT GRACE by Carol Hoenig. GRACE tells the story of (and by) little Vicky Finley, at the onset of the death of her grandmother (and the only female leadership in her life.) Over time, it opens up wounds (and questions) about her own mother who mysteriously abandoned the family, and forces her to learn from (and deal with) her household of men.

The book opens: "The first time I began to understand that the words gone and dead have different meanings I was about six years old."

Ms. Hoenig so eloquently tells the tale (and so carefully grasps the mind of a child) of a girl becoming a lady, learning about ambition, being the only female in a home of strong men, and dealing with inevitable loss. The story reads like poetry and demands to be read in one sitting.

This book is dynamite--literature as it was meant to be: at its finest. Don't trust me? Well, you should, of course. But in case you need your arm twisted, this novel comes with blurbs from Malachy McCourt, Michael Malone and Rona Jaffe--not mention that iUniverse dropped this baby into its Star program prior to publication. Keep your eye on this one--that is, when they're not glued to the pages inside.